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The Older Generation

Heledhil

I'm finding it very difficult as I get older (retired now) and my son (43) a very late-diagnosed Asperger's, faces more and more problems.

He has some help and there seems at long last to be a slowly growing realisation as to how much his condition affects him.  But the future is bleak, especially with the looming cuts.

For me, on my own, it's a life of increasing isolation as I am both excluded by the organisation helping him (it's how they work!!) and I have tried to find a group I can get to (I'm disabled physically now) to share ways of coping, but there is nothing even reasonably local.

Still, I find as a mother I am still treated as THE problem - whether it's blame for the original condition, blame for his behaviourial traits, blame for anything he can't cope with, blame for not being the perfect mother .................  it's very hard to be constantly criticised and to have no-one else batting on your side.

I wish sometimes I could just start walking and never stop.

Are there any other older parents or carers who feel they are simply shoved to one side, but expected to shoulder all the problems that arise?

Parents

  • Hi Crystal - well, it's the organisation that provides his housing and supposedly to help him with 'social issues'.  They don't deal with the family - they are only there to support the person who is their client.  Being told to "butt out" (yes - those words!) and that I am not required at meetings is a pretty loud message.

    I can't kick up a fuss without causing my son to feel he's piggy in the middle and threatened with losing his home. He is also desperately trying to 'lead his own life' but he isn't because he won't give me a moment's peace.

    I'm really dismayed at how manipulative it all is - no attempt to work together to help him really develop independently.

    My son really needs to go back to get more support and help from the CMHC team, but they've decided he doesn't need it.

    As I guess you can imagine, I'm the one on the receiving end of his frustrations and panic attacks, when he goes into melt-down and needs to vent, and he is incapable of respecting boundaries.

    But, as long as it remains 'hidden' and the key workers won't talk to me, they can pretend it's not happening.

    But at some point I will 'walk away' - one day I won't be here any more as nature takes it's course.

    It's good to have a response from someone who understands only too well - so thank you for your kind words.

Reply

  • Hi Crystal - well, it's the organisation that provides his housing and supposedly to help him with 'social issues'.  They don't deal with the family - they are only there to support the person who is their client.  Being told to "butt out" (yes - those words!) and that I am not required at meetings is a pretty loud message.

    I can't kick up a fuss without causing my son to feel he's piggy in the middle and threatened with losing his home. He is also desperately trying to 'lead his own life' but he isn't because he won't give me a moment's peace.

    I'm really dismayed at how manipulative it all is - no attempt to work together to help him really develop independently.

    My son really needs to go back to get more support and help from the CMHC team, but they've decided he doesn't need it.

    As I guess you can imagine, I'm the one on the receiving end of his frustrations and panic attacks, when he goes into melt-down and needs to vent, and he is incapable of respecting boundaries.

    But, as long as it remains 'hidden' and the key workers won't talk to me, they can pretend it's not happening.

    But at some point I will 'walk away' - one day I won't be here any more as nature takes it's course.

    It's good to have a response from someone who understands only too well - so thank you for your kind words.

Children
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