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It's like a switch is flicked

Magnolia1

My 10 year old has recently been getting angry or upset completely out of the blue like someone has just flipped a switch. For example, we went to my friend's house and he went in their pool as was laughing and having a lovely time then all of a sudden he got out and started shouting "I am never going in that pool again and i want to go home". After a few minutes of this he got back in and was happy again. 

We can be doing something he appears to be enjoying and suddenly he will run upstairs, slam the door and barricade himself in his room or run in the garden and lock himself out there.  

He gets cross if we ask him what is the matter and he gets cross if we don't!

Sometimes we can get through to him on What's App where he bombards us with emojis !

It's like parenting on egg shells as we don't know how when or if he will flip. 

Parents

  • It sounds like you really want to know a little bit more about why this happens. It sounds tough when things seem to happen for seemingly no reason. (and yet, somewhere underneath the actions, there will be a sense in what happens, it's just the patience to slowly find out how he's seeing his world.)

    Does he ever find it easier/ok to talk about what he's feeling? Are there some exceptions whereby he doesn't get angry?

    Do you sometimes get a chance, when things are calm, say the next day, to ask him how he was feeling in the pool?

    I know from my personal experience of childhood that I'd get ashamed of 'acting out', which would make it hard for people to talk about it with. However, if I'd had loads of time to cool down and someone approached with calmly and very patiently, I would open up. It's tough because some people we find it ok to open up to and some people it's very hard to open up to. It depends on the history and it takes a lot of trust to open up and that can take time to build up. It can't be rushed.

    Are the emojis his way of connecting? If there is a bombardment, could it just be a bit of overcompensation? I'm just pulling guesses out here to help look at things from a couple of different angles.

    Him getting cross either way - damned if you/damned if you don't - this happens. It feels bad, and possibly seems hopeless sometimes, but it's probably not a total dead end.

    The fact that he communicates by WhatsApp is pretty normal in autism I understand because it buys us a bit more time to think and takes the pressure/intensity off the communication a bit.

    It's good that there is that communication channel. Those of us with ASD are often very sensitive. On one hand, don't feel too bad if you don't always get things right yourself. And on the other hand, I hope it's ok giving him a bit of leeway to express himself, even if it is sometimes quite intense for you too.

  • in reply to calmerchameleon

    Thank you. That is very helpful. 

    Occasionally he can talk about it later or the next day but a lot of the time he doesn't even know himself.

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