Self critical parenting and motivating 5 year olds.

Im leaving the subject until the end of this post in a hope that by then i might know what it is about. 

My son is 5, was diagnosed about 8 months ago with ASD then discharged. I was told to go to the under 5s course which was after his 5th birthday and was then cancelled anyway due to the lockdown. I couldn't have taken a day off a week for 6 weeks anyway as it was taking place over an hour away from where we live and work.

I just want to know what is "normal" 5 year old behaviour and what is the ASD. I know to most people the distinction is not important but I want to know what other people understand and what they wont when talking to other parents. To be honest I think I understand the ASD bits better than the rest. I suspect I have rather strong tendancies myself (anxiety, self criticism, poor social skills)

Today he has got annoyed at me multiple times because i try and push him to do something he finds either hard or both hard and boring. We have discussed it and agreed previously that although we will try do this in fun ways, sometimes practising the things we need to do can feel boring or frustrating. He understands, but he cant control his instant reactions (I empathise). 

I am worried about him exhibiting these things at school next year. We keep being told by school that positive reinforcement is good but a) it seems completely counter productive in him and b) no one has ever explained to me how to make this a habit. I am generally negative with myself and, although i try to be positive with him I frequently find myself nagging or scolding. 

He hates being made to do practice something he finds hard, again I empathise but it is necessary. How do other people persuade their little ones to do stuff they have given up on? How do you avoid being hit, manipulated (he can be very manipulative and threatens destructive behaviour if we say we will take something away) or destructive behaviour such as ripping up a worksheet, scribbling all over it, damaging furniture. 

And how do you teach social skills when you don't understand why something is socially acceptable, only that it is. 

And how do you cope when your other half thinks that we dont need help, that we are doing fine when you are melting in a self critical mix of anxiety and lockdown homeschool exhaustion?

  • Hello NA S68606

    You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who can provide you with information and advice . You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx

    Alternatively 

    You may like to contact our Parent to Parent service who offers emotional support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. This service is confidential and run by trained parent volunteers who are all parents themselves of a child or adult with autism . 

     

    You contact the team on 0808 800 4106. Please leave a message and the team will call you back as soon as possible at a time that suits you, including evenings and weekends. Alternatively you can use contact the team via web form: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/parent-to-parent/enquiry.aspx

    Best Wishes 

    Lorraine Mod