Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I’m new here so please bare with!
im hoping for advice or just someone to talk to. my daughter is 6 nearly 7, and has been suspected of having anxiety/adhd/asd since she turned 4. She has been assessed at school for ADHD by a nurse, who dismissed this and said that she suspects ASD. We then filled out a lot of evidence paperwork etc to be referred for ASD, to which we had a response of “we need two terms of more evidence before we take this forward” with lock down, and schools not now opening until September, obviously this has not happened. My beautiful girl is now really struggling. She has become violent, angry etc more and more every day. Her outbursts happen every day, at least once sometimes two or three. She screams, growls, shouts. Tells me she is going to kill me multiple times, throws things at me, destroys rooms. We just can’t calm her down for love nor money. Its killing me. I so desperately want to help her but she pushes me away and hits me. She’s so angry that she just can’t hear me. The neighbours complain constantly, they have now put their house up for sale because of this.
I’m lost. Completely lost. When she says she wants to kill me I can’t help but think just get it over with then. I know how incredibly selfish that is but I feel like the worst mom ever. I feel like I’m not helping her and I’m doing the wrong things.
We have spoken to an education psychologist and also CAMHS who have given us some resources but she’s just not interested.
how do I know if it’s her ASD or is it just behavioural?
Sorry for how lengthy this is, but it feels nice just writing it down. No one understands xx
I am so sorry you are going through this difficult period. It is very similar to my experience with my two autistic children. I completely understand.
Unfortunately the diagnosis and assessments are still long term battles for parents.
The behaviour at home during this time is also evidence. Certainly for CAMHS and the Paediatrician. What you can do?
Keep a diary and write down all the behaviours and meltdowns. Share the diary with the Senco, the CAMHS and all the doctors and professionals.
Email the Senco regularly , like weekly with updates about your daughter at home, so they won't be able to say they are unaware.
Hang on in there and talk ti us.
Video evidence is also good, if you can manage to film her without it making the meltdowns worse. If I couldn’t film her when we were mid diagnosis, I just left the phone running on a shelf nearby so at least they got the soundtrack!
I think Covid has magnified everything. My 10 year old had got quite good at taking herself off to her den and calming box when she felt a meltdown coming on. But she has regressed in the last few months and has become destructive and aggressive again.