Family in crisis - where to look for help?

Hi, I’m a newbie to this forum and I desperately look for  help for my 17yo son and my family.

My son has been suffering from OCD for last 3 years. He is most likely to have ASD and was referred for assessment last year but he doesn't agree to have this assessment. He had CBT two years ago and it helped a lot with some aspects of the disease. Last summer we were back to CAMHS as he decided to starve himself and stopped eating. I must say that he is still angry with me for these therapies and consider it to be carried out against his will.

In the current situation of lock down, my son's condition deteriorated a lot. He is disconnected from the world doing rituals all the time until exhaustion like a broken machine. Unfortunately, my husband got involved in the rituals as he wanted to take some stress away from him and help our son but this turned against him. Now my husband has to do all the rituals and my son is absolutely dependant on him. My husband has to put him to bed, take him to toilet, put his shoes, walk him to the park etc and all this takes almost 24 hours as my son doesn't need much sleep. His dinner last for almost 8-10 hours and at best we go to bed 3-4am, at worst 6.30am.

The problem is that my son doesn't agree for therapy and medication. We are in contact with CAMHS but they cant do anything unless he agrees.

We don't have any family life anymore, we are exhausted and tired. We are family in crisis and need help asap to be able to further support our son. We need help with how to manage this situation to improve it and not to make it worse, we need somebody to work with us towards convincing our son to start therapy. We feel abandoned and isolated with our problem. I'm sure there must be some help like family therapy, I just don't know where to turn to find it. CAMHS seems to be useless in a current scenario.

I hope there are people here who maybe have been through something similar and could suggest where to look for help and how to convince our son to go for therapy. Thank you.

Parents
  • Firstly hi. I can only help with regards to how I was at that age until mid 20s 

    I was anorexic, obsessed with losing weight. I was thought to have OCD, I'd count things in my head in pairs. Turn lights on and of an even number of times before entering or leaving a room. 

    Lots of things that bought my functioning right down. I was deeply unhappy. My parents had split up when I was 16, I had no home and was left to find for myself. Everything was different, nothing seemed right, I didnt know I had ASD.

    ASD I think you said is a disease. Maybe think of it like a different way of thinking. Yes we struggle socially so much, however we have alot of qualities that others dont and see things others miss.

    Why is your son super stressed right now? What's happened? If it's the current state of affairs, things are being lifted day by day. 

    The thought of speaking to a new therapist.....nightmare for me. Plus NT therapists dont always understand, making you feel more alienated. 

    My thoughts are all over the place on this but if it was my child, I would try and ask what's on their mind and not push the issue.

    Leave out their favourite foods around the house, any foods better than no food at the moment. 

    Join in with things they enjoy. 

    Try keep a routine

    If say for example, they like NASA, look up some podcasts, videos, articles on NASA and try to refocus their stressed out energy onto their special interest.

    If hes not happy aBout a therapist, pushing the subject will make him more anxious and more likely end up with more rituals and withdrawal.

    We re all feeling the stress at the moment. I've noticed so many of us having a rough time right now on the forums I go onto

    All the best 

Reply
  • Firstly hi. I can only help with regards to how I was at that age until mid 20s 

    I was anorexic, obsessed with losing weight. I was thought to have OCD, I'd count things in my head in pairs. Turn lights on and of an even number of times before entering or leaving a room. 

    Lots of things that bought my functioning right down. I was deeply unhappy. My parents had split up when I was 16, I had no home and was left to find for myself. Everything was different, nothing seemed right, I didnt know I had ASD.

    ASD I think you said is a disease. Maybe think of it like a different way of thinking. Yes we struggle socially so much, however we have alot of qualities that others dont and see things others miss.

    Why is your son super stressed right now? What's happened? If it's the current state of affairs, things are being lifted day by day. 

    The thought of speaking to a new therapist.....nightmare for me. Plus NT therapists dont always understand, making you feel more alienated. 

    My thoughts are all over the place on this but if it was my child, I would try and ask what's on their mind and not push the issue.

    Leave out their favourite foods around the house, any foods better than no food at the moment. 

    Join in with things they enjoy. 

    Try keep a routine

    If say for example, they like NASA, look up some podcasts, videos, articles on NASA and try to refocus their stressed out energy onto their special interest.

    If hes not happy aBout a therapist, pushing the subject will make him more anxious and more likely end up with more rituals and withdrawal.

    We re all feeling the stress at the moment. I've noticed so many of us having a rough time right now on the forums I go onto

    All the best 

Children
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