Good afternoon. I'm Selena and I'm the mother of two girls, one, the youngest her name is Sofia and she has Aspergers Syndrome and in recent years has become very difficult to look after and I feel like I'm in a sinking hole now as I'm really struggling and finding it hard to manage life and look after Sofia. She's not a young child anymore, she is fourteen to be precise but she's still very much like a young child or toddler mentally and it's becoming increasingly difficult to help support her. Her sister is called Kayla and she is sixteen now and does not have Aspergers but she has been a big help to me and her sister. She looks out for her sister all the time and I can see she loves her very much. A few years ago she was bullied at school when the other kids were calling Sofia a retard, Kayla told me about that and said that she didn't listen to the other kids and stuck up for Sofia saying that she was just like everyone else only a little different. I think some of the kids still give her a hard time now but I don't think she lets them upset her. Things haven't been to bad up until last year. Sofia has always been a child who needed support but recently, maybe it's where she's getting older I don't know but of late she has been very demanding and needed a lot of attention. There's sleepless nights every night, all at different times, some just before midnight and others at three in the morning. She's also grown very attached to me as well to the extent that she'll scream and cry if I leave her when she's awake. Once she's woken from sleep or a nap she screams the house down until I'm back with her. When we're out in town she makes odd noises or stares at things she finds interesting, this can lead to her staring at other people which has led to actual strangers telling her off or calling her a weirdo. I had something to say to that let me tell you I did! I mean people seem so rude now. When I was at school we all seemed to have some respect for each other and over the years that seems to have been lost. She's also not good at travelling. In the car Sofia is sick after only a few seconds so I've taken to either carrying her or pushing her in the pushchair which seems to be ok for her. At home life isn't very easy. I've had neighbours complaining about my daughter going to their gardens or looking at them weirdly, some have complained about the noise. Sofia's diet isn't great either, she will only eat cookie crisp cereal and jam sandwiches, it has to be my homemade jam as well or she'll spit it back out. I was on the waiting list for a specialist for her but I'm not sure if we are now as we've heard nothing at all. The support for her was really good when she was first diagnosed but since she left primary school the support has become non existent. Even our doctor said there was nothing else they could do to help her. What!? I don't believe that which is why I've tried to get a specialists help. I mean Sofia is a human being, she needs and deserves help. Sometimes it feels like no one cares about her and I really don't like that. Her own dad turned his back on her and Kayla and the medical staff who originally were helping don't seem to want to know her anymore. It's so hard and being a single parent isn't making things any easier. It's hard but so far I have been coping ok but now I'm tired and I'm feeling it every night when Sofia's cries wake me up. I'm exhausted and feeling run down. I want to collapse and give in but I can't do that. Both girls need me, every girl needs her mum. But I don't know why but I am feeling it a lot more recently and that's making it harder than ever to best support Sofia. I want to be there for her and Kayla but I am struggling bad and I don't want to let either of them down. I feel like a failure to them both for even having to ask for help on how best to support them but I have no one else to turn to for help or support. I don't want to let my girls down. I love them both with all my heart and want what's best for them and to be the mum they need. I don't want to let them down.
