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When to tell your child they may have autism?

NAS67153

Hello there, this is my first post here. 

My youngest daughter is 8 and I suspect she has autism. Her behaviour at times is very challenging. I work in education and am by no means an expert on ASC but I have completed courses and training, as well as training about autism in girls. As well as working with children with autism. I recognise lots of signs in my daughter and have always felt she may have autism. Unfortunately due to her other parent disagreeing I never felt able to pursue my suspicions until recently. 

School have had meetings with me to discuss things they've noticed, which are all based around the way she interacts with other children, as well as her anxiety. She was due to see camhs just before lockdown but has now been removed from the list along with everyone else until the covid crisis is dealt with. 

My intention was to see what CAMHS say and then ask for an autism assessment. I've also completed the initial parent questionnaire with a private diagnosis company who said from her score autism is a possibility. I'm aware I could get a private assessment within 6 weeks (probably not at the moment) but the costs are huge. But then the wait for an NHS assessment is at least 18 months.

My question is as per the title really. When did you /would you mention autism to your child? She would not go to assessments and meetings with paediatricians without asking questions, so I couldn't wait till diagnosis surely? But I worry about giving her all this information about autism and why I think she has it, only for them to say no she has not got autism. Has anyone else been in the same boat and what did you decide to do? How did it go down ?

Thanks for reading and I hope I've not rambled on too much! 

Parents

  • I think honesty is the best policy - personally I wouldn’t tell them if it was only suspected but once confirmed I’d be open with them and seek to help them understand a little more about it and how to use coping skills when struggling - I identified from an early age that I was ‘different’ but in not k  Bk owing how or why life was even more difficult than it needed to be. So I’d say at 8 she probably knows she’s a little different already so gently introducing the topic (once diagnosed) would be a positive I’d say. 

  • in reply to Anthony

    Thank you very much for your reply I really appreciate it. The thing I'm wondering about is this period of time now before diagnosis and while on the waiting list, also when she has appointments coming up to be assessed. Tell her that she's going because I think she may have autism, or give a more general reason and only after diagnosis tell her?

  • in reply to NAS67153

    I think that would depend on the level of maturity she has - if you think she can deal with it honesty is best or at least a simplified form of honesty. The unknown is often more daunting for people on the spectrum, I hate not knowing things... Equally you don’t want to blow her mind with too much information, so maybe explain that she is going to see someone who is going to try and help her deal with whatever her most problematic traits are - obviously specify them in conversation with her. That I’d say would be the approach I’d favour. 

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  • in reply to NAS67153

    I think that would depend on the level of maturity she has - if you think she can deal with it honesty is best or at least a simplified form of honesty. The unknown is often more daunting for people on the spectrum, I hate not knowing things... Equally you don’t want to blow her mind with too much information, so maybe explain that she is going to see someone who is going to try and help her deal with whatever her most problematic traits are - obviously specify them in conversation with her. That I’d say would be the approach I’d favour. 

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