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Please advise - 11year old brother with ASD - anxiety and medication?

NAS67002

I'm super worried about my 11 year old brother. He was diagnosed early on as ASD. He has improved a lot over the years and there is still a long way to go. However, recently, he has been worrying a lot. Like he watched a scary video on YouTube about 'Bloody Mary' and it literally had him paralysed by fear for weeks - avoiding mirrors (literally walking backwards to not face a mirror - it got so frustrating I would make him look into a mirror to get over it and he would be in floods of tears) and he couldn't tell us that it was about this Bloody Mary video because he was scared of saying the word 'Bloody Mary'. One day, we figured it out and had a long talk with him explained everything and he was so relieved - he also explained the cause he was so worried about it, the word 'Bloody Mary' would ring in his mind so he would literally replace it with 'Bloody Mongrel' or something silly to get rid of the thought of Bloody Mary. He will now say Bloody Mary, laugh and joke about it - honestly, it completely felt like a weight lifted off his shoulder and we are so grateful. But alas, now he has found something else to worry about. He is scared about supernatural things and he has these supernatural monsters that he again watched a video about ringing in his mind and its upsetting him - he is regularly crying, withdrawn and his concentration is worse than normal - he will literally start day dreaming into the air when we are talking to him about something. It's upsetting and makes me feel hopeless. I want more than anything for him to have a normal life, he doesn't have to be remarkable or do anything amazing, but just a normal life, a job, get married have kids and be happy. But when I see him regress like this, it breaks my heart and honestly makes me depressed because I just want him to be okay - to be normal.

Anyways, my main concern at the moment is that these anxieties keep cropping up and we have tried talking and reassuring and sometimes it works wonders and other times it doesn't. I also want to mention that our father passed away in 2016 and sometimes he gets anxious about losing more of his family/seeing his father again etc. and it is extremely upsetting to see and deal with. There is a theme of anxiety/OCD in my family but I want to stop this getting worse whilst he is still young. Please advise any experiences with medication? I think that would be the best route for him if I am honest but I am also super against psychiatric medication as I don't want it to have side effects or affect his develpoment.

I would love to hear some experiences/opinions/views - this is my first post and I look forward to speaking with you all. Wishing you and your families the best during these crazy times, stay safe.

Parents

  • I'm glad you invited opinions and views on your post, and i hope this helps.

    It might be worth reading your post again and really think about what you're saying. You write about "improvement" and your desire for your brother to be "normal" and i don't think that is fair. You may not mean it, but your tone sounds like your brother's anxiety is having an impact on you, and that is the real issue.

    Anxiety is a human response to a perceived threat, or uncertainty. And with so much happening at the moment it would be understandable that your brother's behaviour may be changing. With so much out of our control it may be his OCD increases. Also, can I say that horror stories and tales of the supernatural are actually scary stories to process! You said that when you explained to him about the story, that helped, and it may be there will be much more that needs explaining as life develops and other fears crop up. Anxiety is not something that goes away, it is something we learn to understand or work through, to echo Anthony it really should be a last resort. If medication is considered, it would take away the side effects but your brother would still need support to understand and work through his fears. If there are concerns for his mental health, then you should speak with a medical professional.

    I feel like you need to understand that your brother may not fit the mold of what you think happiness and normality looks like, and he certainly doesn't need the pressure of feeling your disappointment. How do you know a life without marriage and children wouldn't be remarkable. Have a read of the stories of the spectrum on the NAS website, and see how different and wonderful people are. Support your brother, understand how you can help him thrive however he wants to, and learn how to safely manage your own feelings. 

Reply

  • I'm glad you invited opinions and views on your post, and i hope this helps.

    It might be worth reading your post again and really think about what you're saying. You write about "improvement" and your desire for your brother to be "normal" and i don't think that is fair. You may not mean it, but your tone sounds like your brother's anxiety is having an impact on you, and that is the real issue.

    Anxiety is a human response to a perceived threat, or uncertainty. And with so much happening at the moment it would be understandable that your brother's behaviour may be changing. With so much out of our control it may be his OCD increases. Also, can I say that horror stories and tales of the supernatural are actually scary stories to process! You said that when you explained to him about the story, that helped, and it may be there will be much more that needs explaining as life develops and other fears crop up. Anxiety is not something that goes away, it is something we learn to understand or work through, to echo Anthony it really should be a last resort. If medication is considered, it would take away the side effects but your brother would still need support to understand and work through his fears. If there are concerns for his mental health, then you should speak with a medical professional.

    I feel like you need to understand that your brother may not fit the mold of what you think happiness and normality looks like, and he certainly doesn't need the pressure of feeling your disappointment. How do you know a life without marriage and children wouldn't be remarkable. Have a read of the stories of the spectrum on the NAS website, and see how different and wonderful people are. Support your brother, understand how you can help him thrive however he wants to, and learn how to safely manage your own feelings. 

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