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16 yr old Aspie son and our family dynamics

NAS66886

Hi. I'm new here. My son, Ryan, was diagnosed with Asperger's last year. It was a relief for us both to finally start understanding him better.  My husband, his step father, just does not get it and, frustratingly, thinks Ryan should be able to behave and think like a NT boy. To this end, we are gradually losing the family connection and I feel like I'm stuck in the middle trying to get them both together. Do any of you have advice on how you managed to get your husband to understand without sounding patronising or blaming?

Parents

  • Hi. My 15 year old son was finally diagnosed last year after his father hid it for years. Dante was a 'normal ' boy until N1H1 swine flue changed him completely.  3 weeks with a burning temperature and nearly dying 3 times. Anyway, when me and his (definitely has Aspergers amongst others) father split after his lying and cheating, Dante chose to stay with him. He was put in a caravan in his garden, unbeknownst to me, for 4 years until he moved back as he was treated badly as there were new siblings in the mix and the new wife wouldnt let him near them, although Dante is never violent, and is good with them, but shows little emotion. Now 2 years on he has seen his father twice and for no more than an hour each time. Bare in mind i drove from Wales to Cornwall each time! Now he is severely depressed and is having a really bad time. He talks of suicide and his father says Autism is made up for people who are looking for attention! He's not interested, albeit his son needs his support. His new wife hates Dante, so neither make any attempt to contact him. She is only 10 years older than him ( 30 younger than my ex, whos 1 year younger than his mum in law!) , so that doesnt help. 

    Im a widow now as my little girls daddy died of cancer whilst pregnant,  so its tough, as I have no family. 

    This lockdown,  although i agree with it, is so hard, as his support has all gone. The nhs cymru group closed all cases and we must be re assessed again when they open again. Dante read the letter so is really upset as he cant see why its not just on hold. Me too. So, its very difficult. Its a difficult time for all, but more so for parents with autistic children as they can't understand this and its leading to very stressful lives and lots of tears. 

Reply

  • Hi. My 15 year old son was finally diagnosed last year after his father hid it for years. Dante was a 'normal ' boy until N1H1 swine flue changed him completely.  3 weeks with a burning temperature and nearly dying 3 times. Anyway, when me and his (definitely has Aspergers amongst others) father split after his lying and cheating, Dante chose to stay with him. He was put in a caravan in his garden, unbeknownst to me, for 4 years until he moved back as he was treated badly as there were new siblings in the mix and the new wife wouldnt let him near them, although Dante is never violent, and is good with them, but shows little emotion. Now 2 years on he has seen his father twice and for no more than an hour each time. Bare in mind i drove from Wales to Cornwall each time! Now he is severely depressed and is having a really bad time. He talks of suicide and his father says Autism is made up for people who are looking for attention! He's not interested, albeit his son needs his support. His new wife hates Dante, so neither make any attempt to contact him. She is only 10 years older than him ( 30 younger than my ex, whos 1 year younger than his mum in law!) , so that doesnt help. 

    Im a widow now as my little girls daddy died of cancer whilst pregnant,  so its tough, as I have no family. 

    This lockdown,  although i agree with it, is so hard, as his support has all gone. The nhs cymru group closed all cases and we must be re assessed again when they open again. Dante read the letter so is really upset as he cant see why its not just on hold. Me too. So, its very difficult. Its a difficult time for all, but more so for parents with autistic children as they can't understand this and its leading to very stressful lives and lots of tears. 

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