Hi all. I'm new here and finding lots of useful information already- thank you! I hope you will be able to offer some advice around discussing how to use social media appropriately with an autistic adult.
My brother is 26 and has only recently been diagnosed- although he's displayed traits his whole life. He has always struggled to make friends- and desperately wants them!- but find it very difficult to understand appropriate social interaction and maintain connections with people. He has 'acquaintances'- colleagues and people he knows through other family members.
We have been noticing that he is spending more and more time on his phone- obsessively scrolling and checking all day. This started before lockdown, but has become progressively worse since it started and he has been at home more. He becomes aggressive when we suggest taking time out or other possible activities he might like to try. We have always said a firm 'no' to Facebook- despite the arguments- knowing that he'd struggle within that environment. However, it has recently emerged that he has been using Twitter and Instagram behind our backs. Following some discussion and overseeing, it seemed he was using these sites to follow a local football team he supports. This team is his obsession at present and we thought it might be a positive thing for him to feel part of a community outside of work and home.
It has recently emerged that he has been using these sites to message other fans- people he follows and feels he knows because he's seen posts and pictures uploaded by them. He talks about them as if he knows them well. He has sent messages to these people saying he is depressed which have sparked replies from fellow fans who are obviously decent human beings worried about his state of mind. However, as he now knows how to get their attention, he sends increasingly needy messages to these people. They are kind and reply with numbers to phone e.g. Samaritans, offers of advice and pleas to keep talking. And so he continues to message. While I do not doubt that he is low and struggling with the current situation and lack of routine, he has used mental health in the past to gain attention from his peers.
We have had full and frank discussions- with time in between for processing- and he has reluctantly agreed to take his full name down and send messages to those who have helped him to thank them for their support, explain that he has spoken to his family and let them know he is feeling better. What we'd really like is for him to come off these sites altogether, but he does not understand why they are not always a good thing and feels personally persecuted by suggestions to limit his use of them. So we're treading carefully. The difficulty of dealing with a man who sees himself as neurotypical but who struggles to understand boundaries and what is socially acceptable. He agrees that he'd like to help spread positivity rather than negativity- although I can see him reverting if his positive messages do not get the attention he enjoys. He finds it very difficult to comprehend that online is not real life, people are not who they seem and things said online can hurt us in real life. He became very upset at a hurtful message aimed at Boris Johnson and absorbed this hurt and anger- projecting it onto things in reality. Yet he sees others on these sites as friends and so does not want to stop using them.
Has anyone else had these kind of conversations? Does anyone know of any safe, moderated sites you might be able to recommend? I looked into Elefriends, Mind's social media platform, but read some negative reviews and I'm reluctant to go down the mental health path just yet as we've had bad experiences in the past with mental health services failing to understand autism. Perhaps we were unlucky. Does anyone else have experiences of mental health/autism support? When things get back to normal, we will be once again trying to focus our energies on helping him create friendships in real life. He does not see himself as different, so would not wish to join groups specially for autistic adults, but does need a gentle hand. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you ever so much for your help in advance.
