Home-Learning Refusal - please help.

Hi, 

I am new to the community. I am feeling pretty desperate and would love some help.

A little background: my 11 y/o has a diagnosis of Aspergers and also has ALN (undiagnosed but my fight with the school is a long story). He hates school and for years has refused to learn at home in a formalised way i.e. refusing to do homework. In his mind, home and school are very separate. 

Now the schools have shut, I've been trying to do bits of informal learning with him and his school is in the process of setting up Google classroom. However, he is refusing to do ANYTHING. I've tried to follow his interests, such as making PowerPoints of his favourite actors and directors, we've been observing our dog's post-walk behaviour and recording it, I'm encouraging him to read his comics. Now he's refusing to do any of it and is having frequent meltdowns. 

I've not made timetables and in no way expect him to sit at the kitchen table for hours a day filling in worksheets (which he wouldn't anyway!) but even the most informal, fun activities I can think of are met with anger, meltdowns and verbal attacks. 

My husband thinks I should let the learning go and focus on his emotional wellbeing. I fully agree BUT I am worried that if lock down goes on for months, he'll get further and further behind (and he's already 2 school years behind) and when he does return to school, he'll be completely switched off to learning. 

What approaches are other parents taking to home school refusal?

 I'd really appreciate some help. Thank you! 

Parents
  • My son also has a complete separation between home and school but we're fortunate that he's currently still able to attend because of his EHCP. Even under normal circumstances he'd do his homework at a club at school because it wouldn't be done at home.

    Unfortunately he does get anxious about not doing work that's been set so if he was at home we'd be faced with the issues you have trying to get some work done and/anxiety about the consequences of not doing enough work.  I'm reasonably confident that we'd just not push on the work as I think that this is the approach that would be least detrimental on his mental health. It's about damage limitation not education. I'll worry about the longer term impacts if/when they happen. I can only deal with what's in front of me today, if I kept worrying about the long term consequences I think I'd crack up.

Reply
  • My son also has a complete separation between home and school but we're fortunate that he's currently still able to attend because of his EHCP. Even under normal circumstances he'd do his homework at a club at school because it wouldn't be done at home.

    Unfortunately he does get anxious about not doing work that's been set so if he was at home we'd be faced with the issues you have trying to get some work done and/anxiety about the consequences of not doing enough work.  I'm reasonably confident that we'd just not push on the work as I think that this is the approach that would be least detrimental on his mental health. It's about damage limitation not education. I'll worry about the longer term impacts if/when they happen. I can only deal with what's in front of me today, if I kept worrying about the long term consequences I think I'd crack up.

Children