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Struggling family!

NAS66368

Hello, I'm new here & looking for advice.

My six year old son is going through diagnosis for autism/adhd. He has terrible outbursts of anger/hatred towards myself, dad, brother & the dog. These outbursts aren't really triggered by anything in particular, some days just coming home from school starts him off. We go for a walk or to the park after school most days & can be out for anything from 20 minutes to 2 hours depending on how his day has been & how he feels. He is constantly banging doors, cupboards, drawers & anything else that makes a noise but, he doesn't like noise & cries or yells if it gets too much. He has broken 3 of the kitchen cupboard doors over the last week & when we try to tell him it's not acceptable to break these things & try to give him consequences for his actions he screams, hits, kicks, spits or laughs at us, slams doors, bangs on the walls & throws things. We have tried everything that the professionals have suggested & other things we've found online but to no avail. He doesn't understand his emotions so is unable to tell us if he's upset, angry or happy.He's recently been rejected by iscan due to age & prematurity (he was born at 28 weeks). Has anyone been through anything like this or can anyone suggest something we can try please?

He is an adorable but frustrated/confused little boy & this is heart breaking as I feel as though we're not parenting him correctly. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Parents

  • Hi

    I really feel for you. I am newly diagnosed as an adult and have one high functioning daughter (8 y/o) awaiting assessment.

    Is your son on any medication which could be affecting him? Our daughter was given Montelukast to manage digestion and tummy upsets (gastric issues can be an indicator of ASD) and sometimes she was like the girl from the exorcist. Turns out there have been some reports of this drug affecting mental health/stability of children who are put on it. She’s off it now and seems far less volatile (e.g. has not spat at us in anger since...)

    She also seems to hold everything in until after school. She can be really cruel, unkind, spiteful to all of us but I know it’s because she is overwhelmed and is spiralling out of control. She always comes to say sorry afterwards when she’s calmed down and we have a hug.

    When she was younger, 4/5, she used to tell us that she can’t be good when she’s at home; as in she struggles to be good/cant control her behaviour.

    It’s a real challenge when they are so young and can’t fully explain how they are feeling. The school we were at gave us visual aids (feelings chart) to help her describe how she was feeling with themed photographs (she was into The Descendants characters at the time) so she had a range of facial expressions made by the characters for her to communicate how she was feeling - Fantastic/Ok/angry/sad/worried/etc.

    Sorry I can’t offer much more insight - were are in a similar boat...

    Best wishes x

  • in reply to ItsMyMind
    ItsMyMind said:
    She also seems to hold everything in until after school.

    From what I've seen of other parent's posts over the years, it seems that this is rather common - even to the point of the school simply not seeing any problems at all while, at the same time, parents see even greater expressions of autistic traits. I was certainly that way when I was a schoolkid, and even with jobs as an adult. The pressure to "mask" is so much stronger when one is surrounded by so many people, most of whom are unpredictable to us, that the mental energy needed to do it simply can't be sustained all day, and it all gets used up at school or work.

    Something which may help is to allow a "buffer zone" between school and home, so that there's not an immediate jump from one set of demands to another (even if those demands are well meaning, such as asking to explain how the day at school went). I certainly found that helpful as a child - I would disappear to my room to wind down and acclimatise (and have a good stim) between school and tea-time, otherwise the "culture shock" of going from one to the other would set my head spinning.

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  • in reply to ItsMyMind
    ItsMyMind said:
    She also seems to hold everything in until after school.

    From what I've seen of other parent's posts over the years, it seems that this is rather common - even to the point of the school simply not seeing any problems at all while, at the same time, parents see even greater expressions of autistic traits. I was certainly that way when I was a schoolkid, and even with jobs as an adult. The pressure to "mask" is so much stronger when one is surrounded by so many people, most of whom are unpredictable to us, that the mental energy needed to do it simply can't be sustained all day, and it all gets used up at school or work.

    Something which may help is to allow a "buffer zone" between school and home, so that there's not an immediate jump from one set of demands to another (even if those demands are well meaning, such as asking to explain how the day at school went). I certainly found that helpful as a child - I would disappear to my room to wind down and acclimatise (and have a good stim) between school and tea-time, otherwise the "culture shock" of going from one to the other would set my head spinning.

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