Mortified by son's inappropriate behaviour at school!

My son is 4 and goes to a special school. He has high-functioning autism and sometimes his behaviour can be unusual. His teacher told us he had to be taken out of the soft play at school because he was going round lying on top of all his classmates and moving in a rhythmic fashion! She said he was very focused on his movement and had tantrums when pulled off the children. One tiny girl got quite upset and I don't blame her! My son has never behaved this way at home and he is with me constantly. He has never seen anything sexual nor has he shown any sexual interest or behaviours. Which leads me to think that although his behaviour in the soft play may have looked sexual to an adult, I think he was in fact pretending to be a caterpillar or a whale as he has a thing for both of these creatures. In particular he loves the Snail and the Whale cartoon where the snail rides on the whale's tail. I have told his teacher that I thought he was being a whale, but I still can't help worrying that someone is going to get the wrong idea about his behaviour. I don't know if I'm worrying too much, but that kind of inappropriate behaviour could potentially result in a visit from social services. 

We have stopped allowing our son to lie on top of people to play or for a cuddle and we will make sure he is always supervised around other children. There is a team of teaching assistants in my son's class and I see them every day. I'm so embarrassed about my son's behaviour that it's now hard for me to face these people and I can't help worrying what they might think. I also suffer from an anxiety disorder which doesn't help! Do you think I am worrying too much? Should I have another chat with my son's teacher to make sure she doesn't get the wrong idea about his behaviour?

Any feedback will be much appreciated!

  • Oh bless you! My brother (now in his 30s) is the absolute king of mortifying behaviours, so you are not alone in this. I suppose the most helpful thing I can say is that one day this will be a funny story that you tell your friends. In the meantime, just know that you are not to blame and his teachers will understand that. Nothing like autism for helping you develop a thick skin and a sense of humour!

  • Thank you for your response and for sharing your experience. It seems I am making too much of the situation and as it's a one-off that happened at school, I will let it blow over. He has never behaved that way at home. As I have an anxiety disorder I tend to worry so much that the situation is blown out of all proportion. Talking to others helps me see that things are not such a huge deal after all! 

  • Thank you for the links, they are most helpful and include some other info I didn't know about, such as understanding time, which I will put into practice with my son. 

  • I don't think your response is necessarily very helpful. When I was younger I used to do a gymnast move with my younger brother, which could have been seen as sexually inappropriate, however, I was far too young to know anything about that. I just liked the sensation. I grew out of it and grew up to be a sexually responsible member of society. What have you said to explain why things have suddenly changed at home? How did your son behave his behaviour when you approached him about it?

    If it is a sensory thing and you're making your making your son repress this behaviour this could be damaging to his MH.

  • Hello NAS63645,

    We have a page on our website that centres around physical challenging behaviour. Including the possible causes, as well as strategies and interventions you can adopt to improve your son's behaviour: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/challenging-behaviour.aspx

     You may also find it useful to have a look at our behaviour guidelines and general behaviour page. Hopefully this information will help you!

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/guidelines.aspx

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour.aspx

    All the best!