ASD meltdowns and no feelings

My son has not being diagnosed but are suggestions of ASD and ADHD. He his having frequent meltdowns, where his aim is to break me. When he is in a meltdown he said he has no feelings, he simply doesn’t care about anything. This eve he has trashed my bedroom, I have no control over him. Can anybody share anything on these meltdowns and having no feelings. When he is not having a meltdown, he is an absolute delight, really sensitive and really caring. So when he falls into a meltdown, I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus, as it is the complete opposite to his normal self,. 

  • Hello there, my son is exactly the same and the meltdowns have escalated since puberty really. How old is your son? My lad was diagnosed at 6 with ASD but recently he's been assessed at CAMHS where the psychiatrist stated'I am almost certain' he's undiagnosed ADHD. 

    My son expresses the exact same that he has no feelings but then hates himself and what he's done once he's calmed down. He's smashed his head into doors, punched holes in walls, never directed at me and it's because he's completely overwhelmed. It's really hard to deal with. It's really bad anxiety. I can see it coming and nothing I say or do can stop it. 

    After 18 months, 2 suicide attempts, group, and individual 121 therapy he's been given anti-depressants for severe anxiety. He has a stomach ulcer due to it. It's early days but he's calming. He's also out of mainstream school which is the root of everything for him. 

  • Hi NAS64878,

    Sorry to hear you've been having difficulty with your son's meltdowns. The NAS has some advice pages here on the site which might be of some help to you. We have a page on challenging behaviour - https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/challenging-behaviour.aspx - with information about possible causes, communication, the benefits of keeping a behaviour diary and more, and a page specifically on meltdowns - https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/meltdowns.aspx - with advice on how to anticipate meltdowns and minimise their frequency, as well as links to other resources and the NAS helpline.

    Hope you find something here which can help,

    Best wishes,

    Ross - mod

  • Firstly how old is he? Secondly this is completely normal. You are his safe place, he is pushing you to see how far he can go til you stop loving him.