Brother is getting too involved in social life

Hi there,

 I’m not a parent nor a carer, but a sister. I have 3 siblings on the spectrum of 20, 22 and 24 years old. The 2 oldest ones learned a lot about themselves and were able to thrive in life, having friends, a partner, making easier connections with strangers. The youngest one, who is 14 yrs younger than me, has more difficulties. He has a steady job, went to live by himself last year April and arranges everything on his own without needing help. I’m so proud of him, being his big sister. The only thing he’s a bit helpless in is making friends. So his days are working alone in a carpenter workshop during the day and be home alone at night, which makes him feel very lonely at times.

I work at a winebar. I invited him to come over once and since then he would pop in once a month or so. Last week both my brothers came by. I was invited to a birthday party after work. Since both my brothers implied that they felt lonely at times, I thought it was a good idea to bring them with so they could be around people and socialize since they feel comfortable with me. I was so happy to see them have a good time and even dance a little, especially the youngest one since he has most difficulty connecting with people.

Now 3 problems have arisen with my youngest brother:

1) Every weekend day he shows up 15min before I open the bar and sits at the bar from open until I finish 11-15hrs later. I feel like I can’t relax at work and have a drink and talk with regulars after work or make plans afterwards since he’ll always ask what I’m doing, where I’m going and with whom I’m meeting up. I feel like I have to lie to not hurt his feelings. Of course when I say I don’t have any plans he says he’ll bike the way home with me. I feel very suffocated in this situation.

2) After the night of the birthday party he asked to let him know when I’d go party with 2 specific friends again (because he really liked them). I told him it’s very important for him to have his own friends. To this he said “no” and that he’ll just take over my friends since it’s easier for him. Of course I wasn’t able to have a good answer to that. What do you say to that?

3) One of those specific friends of mine is a woman. She’s very kind to everyone and of course also to my youngest brother. He said he specifically would like to know when I go out with her again and keeps asking about her. Feels to me that he has a little crush on her, but they’re worlds and almost 10 years apart. It’s quite obvious this would never work out.

 I didn’t spent much time with him since I left home when my siblings were still toddlers, resulting in me not having the best communication skills with people on the spectrum, plus I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

So... Any advice? Anyone? Please?