Struggle with the school

Hi everyone,

i have a 4,5 year old son who started reception this September.  He had a funding in preschool, which helped him socially a lot, but since at school he doesn’t receive anything. We applied for EHCP needs assessment, but we didn’t get it. The LA is saying the school has enough funding to deal with this, but school doesn’t seem to do much and very defensive. They don’t provide enough information and sometimes I feel they state false things. My son can be very withdrawn in busy school situations such as school playgrounds. He doesn’t have anyone looking over him particularly other than the 4 adults for the whole school at playtimes. He had 2 head injuries within the first 3/52 in September from the same boy, which school notified me at the beginning, but since I went in to speak with them about it they stopped letting me know in writing as I used the slips in our EHCP paperwork as evidence. My son keeps having injuries, which never happened in preschool and not typical of him. His latest one was again with the same child and resulted 2 chipped incisor teeth for him and one of them potentially nerve damaged as he is constantly in pain, but dentist do nothing to alleviate it other than will have a look at 1/12 time..

I am getting very anxious and angry at the same time with the school (obviously trying to keep a professional communication up with them) but the school is playing everything down and very passive. They don’t even think there was an impact in the injury where his tooth got damaged.. I am not sure where this is going to go?  Don’t understand why the school is so passive and why they are not providing extra pair of hands to help him at playtime to model proper interactions and keep him safe. He can be very withdrawn and complying with the teachers whatever they ask him to do. (Educational psychologist input) My son is not happy to go to school now, he is scared, he is constantly stripped over. But if I mention anything to the school they think I am just an anxious mother and over reacting the situation. Although they know he has ASD diagnosis..

What can I do? Please help me with some advice? What can I say to my son he should do if something happens on the playground? I tell him to tell it to the teacher immediately, but of course one of his problem is communication so he can’t stand up for himself and normally the other children fill in the teachers which not necessarily reflect what happens. Occasionally at evening times at home I get drips of information from him, but I can’t keep questioning him as he gets upset and doesn’t want to scare him either. 

Please help me what to do?

thank you 

Parents
  • Hi there I'm so sorry you're going through this. This sounds so familiar to me.  All I can say from my own experience is keep a log of everything.  Get a copy of the school's complaints policy and follow it to the letter. Arrange a meeting with the head and SENCO and write everything down  so that nothing is missed out.  Go to the doctors they are great.  My doctor actually called the school.  Let them know you're not prepared to drop this and will take it up the chain of command so to speak.  Maybe they can arrange different activities during lunch/ break? 

    I wish I'd been more proactive in getting things sorted in primary school because these things don't go away and your son's mental health is paramount.   Unfortunately for my son it came to a head at secondary school.  But that's another story.  

    What I would say is the school system is strapped and resources are spread thinly.  We cannot wrap them in cotton wool but try to build resilience also.  

    I wish you all the best.  

  • Hi and thank you for your reply! 

    We had a really bad day at school. Sorry it will be a long and complaining post. We are getting to a full blown war with the school unfortunately.

    My little boy was complaining to me yesterday at night that 2 classmates boys were pinching and chasing him and saying to him “I will kill you!” We were horrified and went in this morning to school and got an appointment for this afternoon. The head teacher, his classroom teacher (his SENCO also) and a 3rd person sat us down with my husband and the head started  a monologue very powerfully about how they feel that we don’t believe their judgment of the situation around my son and how dare we question anything they are telling us. Also implying that my son doesn’t tell the truth, he is happy and everything is rosy and also the injury with his teeth is just in my head..I managed to open my mouth for a minute to say that the dentist objectively found 3 teeth with a chip on them and he is still constantly in pain... 

    We had communication issues with them even before started school unfortunately. Our OT assessment suggested the school would do a couple of things for my son before starting there and they failed to deliver in time. The nursery needed to chase them and at the end they were saying to nursery to stay out of the communication..so eventually we had a meeting with them, where exactly the same manner the head was scolding us that we “should be trusting them, otherwise we will have a bumpy 3 years ahead..” Than we literally couldn’t say anything and were dismissed. It’s a joke!

    The head went on today’s meeting to mention our very first meeting how anxious parents we are and didn’t trust them even than and if we still don’t trust them implying again to us that why is our son is in this school. 

    The whole meeting was overwhelming over powering from the head. They are keeping a log of what words I used on meetings before or in emails, such as defensive and that I said I feel she is patronising me, so directed away from our problems their dialogue and we eventually didn’t have enough time to go through our concerns properly. Did not receive real reassurance from them, they were dismissive and we have no real action plan.

    They sent him in to classroom from playtime on the other day and when i mentioned they said it’s not true, but I was in front of the school playground watching and couldn’t see him anywhere so it was true. Can they keep him inside instead of the naughty boys??

    Do you know if there is an independent mediator service for ASD kids communication with school? So they could attend meetings?

    I think we will need to change schools, but he hates change and also not sure if we would not have issues in another school? This is by the way an outstanding school, although ofstead is 10 years old..

    meanwhile my husband and I just had a mini nervous breakdown. 

    So sad that the one place you hope they help and support you with open arms just make your child and your life miserable.

    can I do anything to make them take things to action level?

    sorry for the long and difficult post, thank you for listening me x

  • I urge you to make a formal complaint and remove your son immediately. He is getting hurt, it is a dangerous environment for him. The head sounds awful and needs removing. They are there to help you, you pay their wages. The school is not outstanding. Get in touch with the education board at the council

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  • I urge you to make a formal complaint and remove your son immediately. He is getting hurt, it is a dangerous environment for him. The head sounds awful and needs removing. They are there to help you, you pay their wages. The school is not outstanding. Get in touch with the education board at the council

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