Parent opinions on positivity of getting a diagnosis please :)

Hello, I'm not a parent but as someone who is waiting for diagnosis at 36 but has had difficulties that they did not understand through a lot of their life maybe I can provide some useful input.

I had a lot of trouble with anxiety once I moved from primary to secondary school and developed irritable bowel syndrome which resulted in a lot of time off school and a move from grammar to regular high school. I was never a total outsider as such but struggled to do more than hang on the fringe of 'the gang' and looking back I would say that I tended to have one good close friend at a time, but that I was also used heavily by those close friends (eg one stole from me but I tolerated it rather than confront). I had a lot of trouble transitioning to University and panicked and left in the first week on my first try, I only managed on my second try when my brother was going at the same time to the same department. I have since struggled to get a job and last for more than a few days before turning into a tearful mess and spent most of the time since University off sick whilst believing that my problems were all a result of Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and therefore that any treatments I received should work in some way and help me be 'useful'. The frustration of repeatedly failing did cause some serious self blame issues and self hating and sometimes suicidal thoughts, as well as repeatedly trying and failing made it harder by making me frightened to try again.

Now if that all seems dire please don't be scared, I'm not trying to paint a bleak future - everyone is different and this is entirely from the point of view of someone who had no idea for most of their life. Reading other peoples stories from similar situations has helped me immensely and given me hope that there may be a good reason for everything.

The fact that you are on the diagnostic path now means that you at least suspect and so even if you chose not to go through with it there will always be that fallback possible explanation. Just from my position I would say it would be better to have a diagnosis as early as possible simply because there is more help and support available during that period of life. There is no requirement for you or your daughter to go around telling everyone if she does get a diagnosis but think of it maybe as something that will aid access to support if it should be needed at places like University.

Struggling without knowing why is a horrible and almost maddening experience. Knowledge is power and understanding yourself can help so much with happiness, you will just have to help with the direction this self knowledge takes eg: Steering it towards empowering and away from "you are limited".

I hope that is helpful 

Hello, I'm not a parent but as someone who is waiting for diagnosis at 36 but has had difficulties that they did not understand through a lot of their life maybe I can provide some useful input.

I had a lot of trouble with anxiety once I moved from primary to secondary school and developed irritable bowel syndrome which resulted in a lot of time off school and a move from grammar to regular high school. I was never a total outsider as such but struggled to do more than hang on the fringe of 'the gang' and looking back I would say that I tended to have one good close friend at a time, but that I was also used heavily by those close friends (eg one stole from me but I tolerated it rather than confront). I had a lot of trouble transitioning to University and panicked and left in the first week on my first try, I only managed on my second try when my brother was going at the same time to the same department. I have since struggled to get a job and last for more than a few days before turning into a tearful mess and spent most of the time since University off sick whilst believing that my problems were all a result of Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and therefore that any treatments I received should work in some way and help me be 'useful'. The frustration of repeatedly failing did cause some serious self blame issues and self hating and sometimes suicidal thoughts, as well as repeatedly trying and failing made it harder by making me frightened to try again.

Now if that all seems dire please don't be scared, I'm not trying to paint a bleak future - everyone is different and this is entirely from the point of view of someone who had no idea for most of their life. Reading other peoples stories from similar situations has helped me immensely and given me hope that there may be a good reason for everything.

The fact that you are on the diagnostic path now means that you at least suspect and so even if you chose not to go through with it there will always be that fallback possible explanation. Just from my position I would say it would be better to have a diagnosis as early as possible simply because there is more help and support available during that period of life. There is no requirement for you or your daughter to go around telling everyone if she does get a diagnosis but think of it maybe as something that will aid access to support if it should be needed at places like University.

Struggling without knowing why is a horrible and almost maddening experience. Knowledge is power and understanding yourself can help so much with happiness, you will just have to help with the direction this self knowledge takes eg: Steering it towards empowering and away from "you are limited".

I hope that is helpful 

Thank you Kras83 for your kind reply.  It’s good that you have more clarity now as you are on your way to getting a diagnosis.  You’ve done so well to get to uni and actually to go for your degree course a second time shows complete STRENGTH and not an iota of failure.

With everything I’m learning / reading / researching  I will use that knowledge and the stories of others to support my daughter and hopefully other people when I can.  Yes I will empower her, thank you.  She too struggled from primary to secondary but is still only 12 so I am getting a support network in place pre-diagnosis.

I wish you all the best for your diagnosis and for your future, you have been so kind to respond and to share your story and from all you have said in your message I can hear you are brilliant and strong, I hope you get all the support possible. 

Thanks again and all best wishes x