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Childcare

caledonia64

Hi

My son has severe sensory motor issues (DCD and SPD) and although not dx with ASD behaves very much as is he is Autistic.

I am getting desperate re. childcare and covering the costs.

He is now = after 12 weeks exclusion from school or a 2hs/day part time, one-on-one, off-site timetable going back to school full-time with  full-time round the clock one-on-one persons provided, and in class part of the time.

This change has not been gradual - it has gone from the first to the second with two days notice  - due to my fighting over the last twelve weeks for reintegration but which i had hoped would be a process.

Having lost one job - permanent - and walked from two others to meet my son's needs after two years of living hand to mouth (I am not eligible for enough benefits) I now need to be back at work full-time as a teacher of (Ha) ASN. in a new school. I cannot walk away from this job and retain any expectation of future work, nor can I afford to.

Childcare is proving tricky - we are isolated (family have rejected us, and friends with children do not want their child around mine); school has had so many complaints about my child and I am shunned if in the playground.  My son has to go into school late, be collected at lunch, and brought back, and collected early at three.  My one friend who did help cannot now, as she is not allowed to wait with A in the playground to collect her own children. My morning childcare - after 8 days and one aggressive outburst over getting my son to school - just quit.  Other than Thurs I have lunch and afterschool covered but cannot keep looking for new childcare every few weeks as peope quit (the one chap I currently have is unlikely to quite for now). 

After School Clubs are not an option - we have been asked to leave one and A was so disturbed after he would run in the road, was soiled, etc and took hours to calm (I do not drive and could not get him home: we were put off buses); the second one we tried, even with one on one support, could not quite manage and I had trouble walking my son home the ten minute route - and he was self-harming.

School keep suggesting the Breakfast Club as a solution but then if I go with that idea, scream that they cannot cope, and place my son in isolation on one-to-one supervision. Obviously this is not the answer. 

Social Work have been involved and we are now getting some help with a new, competant SW: 10 hrs direct payment but they make only a small dint in £125 + a week childcare.  The previous two weeks it was £200 a week.  SW seem to say I have tried everything they can suggest and that we need a managed plan. School frustrate things by denying there is a problem then panicking when it emerges, then denying it at meetings.  They will not use the OT strategies recommended (H&S implications): their method of coping has been to summon me from work.  I am now refusing to acquiese unless it is an exclusion or genuine illness.

My son is due respite but the system is so stressed that we keep having it put off for another month.

I am struggling manfully to keep finding solutions when crises emerge but they seem to be daily and I am the only one who has back up childcare for the back up childcare and still faces an emergency on a thrice weekly basis. 

The local  Autistic Society provide some outreach support, but it has to be male workers, as my son attacked their female worker.   My son was turned down for a CSP as the support he needs is not sufficient. 

It should not be consistently this hard to secure adequate educational provision (I have my doubts about next week's arrangement as school have refused to specify when he will be in class or discuss it with him) and adequate affordable childcare.   The chap I have doing lunches and after school does not want to commit to mornings too, given how bitty that makes things for him.

  • My son is ten. He has been assessed THREE times by CAHMS or once, with two reviews and found not to be ASD.   I suspect he is just on the threshold or that the work I have done with him gives him coping skills.  It is rare - say the OTs - to find such sensory issues to such a degree in one who is not on the Spectrum.  I am looking at how I can get an NHS dx as I know private are discounted in this area. I cannot afford a full NAS /Scottish Autism work up at Alloa: ie I wonder if anything they would find would be different.

    I have done well to get in place - now - the one-to-one throughout the school day, but it took legal battles. if that does not work, then it will have to be a special school, however my son's academic ability seems to make them almost certain to deny this. I am more worried about secondary school.

    Meanwhile I wonder what other resources I can tap to get to find affordable childcare that can manage and is reliable (won't walk) for the 3.5 hrs a day I need it (8 - 9.15, 12.15 - 13.15, 15.00 - 16.15).  ALL the local agencies refuse to take A on either due to lack of resources generally (not taking new clients at all) or because they could not guarantee the same carers all the time , or because three x 1 hr is not what they do, or because - the childcare specifi agencies - they cannot meet his needs. He needs individual one-to-one childcare.

    The Social Workers are at a loss - Grampian Autistic Society provides some limited outreach but they can only use certain workers w. Alexander (because he is unpredictable) and also as he does not have an Autism dx they are outside their remit so it is ad hoc.  There is insufficient respite available locally and it keeps getting put off, and basically my son does not have the right dx. 

    When the OTs say (two separate, one private but the NHS when we were re-referred backed her up) he is as impacted as if he has Autism, albeing HFA, and why hospital staff cannot cope, nor specialist and when the doctor says, please do not bring him to the surgery, we will come to you....

    And frankly, a child does not go from being "not a problem, getting on fine at school" in the words of a HT at a mulit agency review group meeting in July, to being unmanageable in school by August (although the Headteacher still denied he was a prob. at the Multi Agency meeting on the 14th Sept when she was called out seven times in two hours to deal with him, despite one to one cover for him); a child does not go from "not a problem" "getting on fine" to 12 weeks of exclusion or 2 hrs one-to-one off site  and needing one-to-one teacher or Classroom Assistant input from 9.15 to 3.00.

    If it does not work with this level of support, it will have to be a special school, which is fine but they say they cannot accomodate his academic needs in that case and he will have to follow the curriculum the school runs not the mainstream curriculum.  He is above average in ability, academically, other than the physical act of writing or typing.

  • hi - me again.  I just feel that you're so up against.  I understand how it feels + I got angry for both of you, if you know what I mean.  And for all those going thru similar situations.  Have you tried to get a diagnosis of asd for your son?  This would help with getting better educational provision.  Also there may be support groups in your area + people on this site could point you in that direction. You social services dept don't seem to be helping much in the shape of your sw.  Can you complain to someone higher in authority there?  I know it's so difficult, especially without support, but you need to persevere to get the services he needs.  There were times I gave up years ago but that just prolongs things even more.  I really wish you all the best + hope you find a way forward soon with education/child care + support in general.  You're a good mum.

  • hi - how old is your son?  Sorry if you've sd + I didn't pick up on it.  It sounds like he's totally in the wrong environment at school + you're trying to pick up the pieces.  I've been in that position myself, altho it was when my son was an adult + not at school.  You can go on + on like this.  He needs a school for children with autism or something akin to that.  He will continue to get v upset otherwise + so will you.  You will all suffer.  Sorry to be so blunt, but I was there + for a long time.   You will continue to try + hold it all together.  In the end a crisis will be reached + then, hopefully things will change for the better. Dig your heels in.  Check this site + the ipsea site out for advice.  Ring the nas helpline.  You + your son deserve much better.