14yr old girl won't put her dirty clothes in laundry basket

You've probably tried these already:

1. Smoke her out: Leave them where she leaves them and don't wash them. I realise this could take weeks and weeks of perseverance to get a reaction.
2. Get buy-in: Get her a laundry basket of her own (and let her choose it/help you shop for it) and put it where it will remind her to use it (such as where she tends to undress).
3. Functional test: Put your dirty laundry in her way and see if she is capable of moving it to the laundry basket.
4. Play to her strengths: Ask her to simply sort her clothes by colour, by number of times worn, by fabric... we auties love sorting and organising things and at least you'll have helpful piles.
5. Tough love: Use a reward system but have her name a reward she desperately wants and then tell her what she'll have to do to get it (because you desperately want her to put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket). Go as far as booking/buying whatever it is and showing her you have it ready for her if she will comply. If she doesn't, don't cancel the booking, just go without her or make a point of taking her with you to the Post Office when you return whatever item it is.
6. Tit for tat: Go on strike. Tell her that if she won't help you with this aspect of the laundry, then you won't help her with [insert something she really relies on you for] and stick to it until your demands are met.
7. Bribery: Pay her. Although I gather many auties aren't money-oriented.
8. Charge her for the service: Take payment for your laundry service or pay her sibling(s) to do it and deduct that cost from her pocket money/allowance. Gotta love family capitalism.
9. Scream into a pillow. It won't solve the problem but at least you'll let your frustration out.

Also, random thoughts:

• Does she understand why you're asking her to do this? Genuinely why, not just "because we all have to".
• Can she tell you why she won't do it? And keep asking 'Why?' until you get to the root cause (Google "five whys").
• Could she have a sensitivity to your fabric detergent or softener such that she prefers her unwashed clothes?
• Could she have a sensitivity to your laundry basket? Maybe the sound of it opening or how the lid feels to touch etc.
• Could it be a teenage thing rather than the autism thing?

Thank you for taking the time to write such a long reply. It cheered me up to know that someone cared.

• She is happy to wear dirty clothes. When necessary, she just buys new underwear with her pocket money.
• She has her own laundry basket in her favourite colour and easily accessible.
• If I put my dirty laundry in her bedroom, she doesn’t ‘see’ it. She just walks over it.
• Sadly she doesn’t enjoy sorting things – I think visual clutter triggers her brain to ‘switch off’ and ‘not see’ things.
• She is not materialistic. Neither rewards nor taking things away motivate her.
• I’ve gone on strike by doing things like refusing to cook. She simply went to the shop and bought her own food.
• If I withhold her pocket money she doesn’t react.
• If I tell her she costs me money, she hands over some money without a fuss.
• I have Samaritans on speed dial.
• She doesn’t see the point of picking dirty clothes off the floor. In her mind, it’s where dirty clothes belong.
• I ask why (and I list all the possible reasons) ‘I dunno’ is the answer. If I beg her to tell me what her reasoning is, she gets very angry because she has a problem with expressive language.
• I use eco-friendly detergent. I think she’s hyposensitive rather than hypersensitive, so I don’t think she’s avoiding any sensation.
• It’s an autism thing. It’s been going on for years.
• I think she has the pathological demand avoidance type of autism, so the strategies you would use with an autistic person don’t work with her.

Thanks again for responding. Today was a very bad day.

Thank you for taking the time to write such a long reply. It cheered me up to know that someone cared.

• She is happy to wear dirty clothes. When necessary, she just buys new underwear with her pocket money.
• She has her own laundry basket in her favourite colour and easily accessible.
• If I put my dirty laundry in her bedroom, she doesn’t ‘see’ it. She just walks over it.
• Sadly she doesn’t enjoy sorting things – I think visual clutter triggers her brain to ‘switch off’ and ‘not see’ things.
• She is not materialistic. Neither rewards nor taking things away motivate her.
• I’ve gone on strike by doing things like refusing to cook. She simply went to the shop and bought her own food.
• If I withhold her pocket money she doesn’t react.
• If I tell her she costs me money, she hands over some money without a fuss.
• I have Samaritans on speed dial.
• She doesn’t see the point of picking dirty clothes off the floor. In her mind, it’s where dirty clothes belong.
• I ask why (and I list all the possible reasons) ‘I dunno’ is the answer. If I beg her to tell me what her reasoning is, she gets very angry because she has a problem with expressive language.
• I use eco-friendly detergent. I think she’s hyposensitive rather than hypersensitive, so I don’t think she’s avoiding any sensation.
• It’s an autism thing. It’s been going on for years.
• I think she has the pathological demand avoidance type of autism, so the strategies you would use with an autistic person don’t work with her.

Thanks again for responding. Today was a very bad day.

Hey, you’re welcome, I’m just sorry I can’t help more. It must be so incredibly frustrating for you as I imagine it’s not the only thing she resists doing.

Everyone on here is lovely and helpful and wise, so you’ll always find empathy and support even if you just need to vent. Take good care. Xx

Whenever I was working in Belfast, aged twenty-five, I came looking dapper; but didn't shower.

I thought that, as an adult, I could do whatever the Hell I liked. However, the recoil was that I didn't take responsibility.

I would need to research more about Pathological Demand Avoidance.