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New mum

Kim84

Hi everyone, 

             Just wanted to introuce myself & seek some help really. I'm Kim, 28, originally from Birmingham but now living in Bristol. I have a daughter Ella who is 4 in December & a brand new baby Aidan who was born in early September. 

Over the last year my partner & I have become concerned about our daughter as she reached 3 & still wasn't able to converse with us like other children we had encountered at the same age. No matter how hard we worked she just did not want to talk to us, even to ask for simple things like food & drink. For the past few months she has been seen by a lot of health professionals (Health visitor, SENCO, Health centre nursery nurse, pediatrician & speech therpaist). She has now started to make progress with the speech & social skills, mainly thanks to the pre-school she started to attend at easter last year, but autism has been one of the things they have flagged up & keep bringing into conversation, but no diagnosis has been made yet. 

I don't mean to offend anyone but I was devastated at being told she could have autism until then they had said it was a delay that was "fixable" she would just catch up. To then be told actually its not a delay & we think it's something you cannot fix was heartbreaking. I felt I had failed her, it was my fault it was something I did or didn't do that's made this happen. I still do to some extent. 

Since having my 2nd child Ella has started displaying difficult behaviours which never occurred before: waking at night singing & talking to herself very loudly, climbing on tables & chairs, switching lights on & off, etc. I am not sure how to deal with these new things as she does not understand to be quiet or that climbing is dangerous. She loves her baby brother & tries to help me, but I'm not sure if such a big change could have caused this sudden change in behaviour.

I'm just really looking for some support as at the moment I'm struggling to come to terms with what is happening & the fact that things are likely to change now for the forseeable future, that my little girl is always going to have this label now. 

Any help much appreciated, thanks Kim x

 

Parents

  • Hello Kim,

    You say no diagnosis has been made yet, im taking it that as your daughter is being seen by professionals and Autism keeps being mentioned that a formal assesment for Autism is underway.

    The way you are feeling is completley understandable, lots of mums including myself go through the self blame thing and the worry of the dreaded "label".Fact is There is nothing you could have done, its not your fault. Ive heard it said that you kind of greive for the child you thought you were going to have. I guess in a way its right. Your daughter is still the same little girl she has always been though, nothing about her has changed.

    If your daughter does have Autism its important to remember that it is a Spectrum condition. ( a huge spectrum) so affects people very differently.i I say this as im picking up a little that you persume your daughter wont be able to do certain things, that things are not "fixable".

    Its true that if your daughter has autism she will share some difficulties other people with Autism have lifelong, but Your daughter is still very young dont persume that just because your daughter cannot do something now she wont be able to do it as she grows older. My daughter didnt speak untill she was 5 then one day she started speaking  in nothing but opposites for about 12 months, i was shocked it wasnt that she couldnt i guess she didnt want to? who knows? she is 10 now and speaks very well. I prefer not to think that my children need "fixing" more that they do things a different way, a way which works for them and that their way of doing things even though it may not be seen as "normal" also needs to be respected. Its best to work with it because you cant change it.

    I love all of my kids and although i would take away any difficulties they have in a heartbeat if i could, they simply wouldnt be the same children if they didnt have autism.( i hope that makes sense)

     

     

Reply

  • Hello Kim,

    You say no diagnosis has been made yet, im taking it that as your daughter is being seen by professionals and Autism keeps being mentioned that a formal assesment for Autism is underway.

    The way you are feeling is completley understandable, lots of mums including myself go through the self blame thing and the worry of the dreaded "label".Fact is There is nothing you could have done, its not your fault. Ive heard it said that you kind of greive for the child you thought you were going to have. I guess in a way its right. Your daughter is still the same little girl she has always been though, nothing about her has changed.

    If your daughter does have Autism its important to remember that it is a Spectrum condition. ( a huge spectrum) so affects people very differently.i I say this as im picking up a little that you persume your daughter wont be able to do certain things, that things are not "fixable".

    Its true that if your daughter has autism she will share some difficulties other people with Autism have lifelong, but Your daughter is still very young dont persume that just because your daughter cannot do something now she wont be able to do it as she grows older. My daughter didnt speak untill she was 5 then one day she started speaking  in nothing but opposites for about 12 months, i was shocked it wasnt that she couldnt i guess she didnt want to? who knows? she is 10 now and speaks very well. I prefer not to think that my children need "fixing" more that they do things a different way, a way which works for them and that their way of doing things even though it may not be seen as "normal" also needs to be respected. Its best to work with it because you cant change it.

    I love all of my kids and although i would take away any difficulties they have in a heartbeat if i could, they simply wouldnt be the same children if they didnt have autism.( i hope that makes sense)

     

     

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