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17 year old visiting the doctor

NAS35529

My first post!
I am mum to a 17 year old girl who was diagnosed with ASC about three years ago.  She probably would have had a high functioning Aspergers diagnosis a few years ago as she is bright, capable and people are at first surprised to know she's autistic because she manages her issues so well. 

One she doesn't manage, thought, is one-to-one situations, especially with adults, and the biggest issues are her medical appointments.  She's asthmatic so has to have regular appointments and I've spent the last couple of years trying to get her to do the talking and so on.  She'll be off to uni in 9 months or so by which point she will absolutely have to.  Last time I sent her in by herself and she was fairly close to melt down beforehand and I'm not sure how successful the appointment was.  She's got another appointment today, including her flu jab, and she's already in a wobble about it.  We had a big talk about it yesterday, about how she has a lifetime ahead of her of one-to-one situations and that this is a gentle way in as she knows the nurse and the nurse only wants her best 

Any tips?  Do I just shove her in and hope for the best or give in and go in with her? I'm trying to balance the need for her to have her asthma managed well versus her needing to deal with situations that will continue to come up.
Thank you :-) 

Sarah-Kate

Parents

  • This is a common problem for children as they turn into adults - moving from the child where a parent does all the awkward bits to having to step-up and do it themselves.      There's a huge chunk involved in how they address the adults in their life - like deferring to grown-ups no matter how crazy their demands are.   The 'because I say so' answers give them no way to reconcile the logic and reasons for adult decisions - it all seems too random to be able to interact with.       School relationships with dogmatic teachers don't help this changeover - being kept as a child and then suddenly being expected to be fully independent just because you've had a birthday?   It doesn't make any logical sense.

    The easiest way to get around this is lots of practice with strangers that don't matter - start with getting uncles and neighbours chatting to her about life, the universe and everything, going into shops and talking to salespeople (Christmas is coming - lots of excuses to do that)   and then that makes talking to strangers like healthcare professionals into a much smaller step.

    Another thing you can help with is talking to her and giving her a script of possible questions and appropriate answers that she can pre-prepare beforehand.      Give her all of the options - and even a written list of points she needs to get across to the GP and she should be ok.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Yes, that's an excellent point. It doesn't have to be a mental script (that's just me masking as usual!!). Of course, she can take a written list of points she needs to get across too, and may find that more helpful if she is particularly anxious and worried about her mind going blank.

    The first meeting I chaired as a school governor, I wrote a list of bullet points to have in front of me that started with "Look at everybody and smile, then say welcome and thank them for being here." Honestly, why no-one figured out I had autism is beyond me. LOL.

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  • in reply to Plastic

    Yes, that's an excellent point. It doesn't have to be a mental script (that's just me masking as usual!!). Of course, she can take a written list of points she needs to get across too, and may find that more helpful if she is particularly anxious and worried about her mind going blank.

    The first meeting I chaired as a school governor, I wrote a list of bullet points to have in front of me that started with "Look at everybody and smile, then say welcome and thank them for being here." Honestly, why no-one figured out I had autism is beyond me. LOL.

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