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17 year old visiting the doctor

NAS35529

My first post!
I am mum to a 17 year old girl who was diagnosed with ASC about three years ago.  She probably would have had a high functioning Aspergers diagnosis a few years ago as she is bright, capable and people are at first surprised to know she's autistic because she manages her issues so well. 

One she doesn't manage, thought, is one-to-one situations, especially with adults, and the biggest issues are her medical appointments.  She's asthmatic so has to have regular appointments and I've spent the last couple of years trying to get her to do the talking and so on.  She'll be off to uni in 9 months or so by which point she will absolutely have to.  Last time I sent her in by herself and she was fairly close to melt down beforehand and I'm not sure how successful the appointment was.  She's got another appointment today, including her flu jab, and she's already in a wobble about it.  We had a big talk about it yesterday, about how she has a lifetime ahead of her of one-to-one situations and that this is a gentle way in as she knows the nurse and the nurse only wants her best 

Any tips?  Do I just shove her in and hope for the best or give in and go in with her? I'm trying to balance the need for her to have her asthma managed well versus her needing to deal with situations that will continue to come up.
Thank you :-) 

Sarah-Kate

Parents

  • Hi Sarah-Kate,

    Welcome. That's a tricky one. :-)

    Could you do some role-playing at home a couple of days before the appointments to give her time to think and plan what she wants to say? I'm guessing you've been to a fair few of these checks over the years so you could play the nurse and let your daughter practice what she wants/needs to say so she's clear in her own mind before going in.

    Also, maybe you could ask your daughter how she would like you to phase-out your help/support with appointments so it's her plan rather than yours?

    Example of phasing-out support:

    • This time, go in with her and do the talking
    • Next time, agree to go in with her but you will only do the opening exchange/small-talk and she will have to do the rest
    • Time after, you'll go in with her and be there if she needs help but you don't plan to say anything
    • Time after that, you'll sit in the waiting room so the nurse can fetch you if your daughter has any issues during her appointment
    • Etc.

    It may be that one or more of those steps requires more than one repeat to get her comfortable. Also, who is booking the next appointment? Is it something you do at reception on the way out, or by phone call or online? Is your daughter doing this for herself already?

    Anyway, hopefully, if your daughter can go in with a pre-prepared mental script to follow AND know that you'll be there in case the nurse goes off-script (as part of her plan for phased-out support), then she will become more confident and more independent in these situations. However, you might also find you have to start all over again once she is registered at a new GP surgery at university. Out of interest, how far away are the universities she's applying to?

    As you say, she has a lifetime of one-to-ones ahead of her, especially being a woman (cervical smear testing, breastexams etc.) so best to start getting her comfortable with something familiar and relatively non-invasive now.

    I hope some of that is helpful? Best of luck to you both. The transition to adulthood is challenging at the best of times, but autism does complicate things, especially when, like your daughter, you're so very good at masking.

    Nessie xx

Reply

  • Hi Sarah-Kate,

    Welcome. That's a tricky one. :-)

    Could you do some role-playing at home a couple of days before the appointments to give her time to think and plan what she wants to say? I'm guessing you've been to a fair few of these checks over the years so you could play the nurse and let your daughter practice what she wants/needs to say so she's clear in her own mind before going in.

    Also, maybe you could ask your daughter how she would like you to phase-out your help/support with appointments so it's her plan rather than yours?

    Example of phasing-out support:

    • This time, go in with her and do the talking
    • Next time, agree to go in with her but you will only do the opening exchange/small-talk and she will have to do the rest
    • Time after, you'll go in with her and be there if she needs help but you don't plan to say anything
    • Time after that, you'll sit in the waiting room so the nurse can fetch you if your daughter has any issues during her appointment
    • Etc.

    It may be that one or more of those steps requires more than one repeat to get her comfortable. Also, who is booking the next appointment? Is it something you do at reception on the way out, or by phone call or online? Is your daughter doing this for herself already?

    Anyway, hopefully, if your daughter can go in with a pre-prepared mental script to follow AND know that you'll be there in case the nurse goes off-script (as part of her plan for phased-out support), then she will become more confident and more independent in these situations. However, you might also find you have to start all over again once she is registered at a new GP surgery at university. Out of interest, how far away are the universities she's applying to?

    As you say, she has a lifetime of one-to-ones ahead of her, especially being a woman (cervical smear testing, breastexams etc.) so best to start getting her comfortable with something familiar and relatively non-invasive now.

    I hope some of that is helpful? Best of luck to you both. The transition to adulthood is challenging at the best of times, but autism does complicate things, especially when, like your daughter, you're so very good at masking.

    Nessie xx

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