• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 743 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

help needed (apologies for waffling)

elfybabe

hiya

my son who is 19 was diagnosed this may as having aspergers and adhd and also morbid agrophobia. we dont have an official diagnosis of adhd but he seems to meet most of the criteria and till the diagnosis i didnt realise about his agrophobia i just assumed it was his aspergers that kept him indoors. he was at college until june and felt that until he gets his adhd sorted out he cant finish the third year of his engineering course. my husband also has a very mild form so i often have to put up with melt downs from them both which because ive lived with them both long enough now just makes me laugh as a way of dealing with them (sorry if this sounds insensitive but its either that or scream).

my son since he left college stays in his room all day apart from coming down each meal time to collect his food to eat upstairs. i did get him to sign on and he now receives job seekers allowance. i am in touch with my local autism group and have had several chats with them and my son is now on an 8 week customer service course with other aspergers students to help with his communication skills. my son only leaves the house once a fortnight to sign on and once a week for his other course which stops in december.

does anyone have any suggestions how i can get him out of his room more and maybe create some sort of life for himself instead of being on either his ps3 or laptop all day and most of the night as he doesnt sleep well. im at my wits end and if i mention anything to him about this he just grunts and goes back upstairs.

also i am applying for dla for him and i said to him when it finally gets sorted and if he gets anything i was going to take half of it to which he gave me a strange look and said that was unfair. i dont think i am being unreasonable as i take half his job seekers from him as his rent and having half of his dla would be paying for the car costs as i have to drive him whenever we have to go out as he wont use public transport.

sny help on this would be grateful and save my sanity if i have any lol.

  • hi there elfybabe

    what a stressful situation for you both (mainly you living with autism in both of them and possibly adhd, i just wanna hug you)

    his agoraphobia may well be connected to his autism, because autistics do feel better at home, in their own space with surroundings they know and feel comfortable in

    his leaving the house for that course is far too little, he needs more stability than that

    my partner gets stressed if he has to stop college for a holiday for a few days, so leaving to go out once every few weeks would not be a good situation

    and it may be similar, he needs stability, structure and importantly routine

    right now, his routine is to stay at home, that is what he knows, and has gotten used to,and every time he is made to go out its stressful for him because hes not used to it, and he maybe doesnt enjoy it, so it makes sense he'd develop agoraphobia

    he needs a full time reason to l eave the house

    and it has to be something he enjoys

    not a forced subject as forcing him to go where he doesnt enjoy and is probably stressed will not make the agorahopbia better or his routine confortable

    autistics work on routine, its easy to go with that

    his routine can involve his intrests, maybe you go shopping with him once every week to buy a new game, just to get him out the house and used to it, and so he actually enjoys it and ISNT stressed

    dont make him sit in a cafe or talk to people,or do anything else like that,  just let him do what he needs to so he can get used to it and importantly so he wants to do it again, and when he wants to go home, go home

    and try to get some help if you can, you really shouldnt be forced to cope on your own with this

  • Hi, My son was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 and although i fought against the medication for months and tried diet etc first i finally had to medicate him and OMG what a difference it has made ! He is a different child now as the medications slows him down eneough to think things through ! (my phyciatrist described it to me as if you imagine the brain is a video recorder that records everything to play back when needed in someone with adhd the video recorder is faulty and catches 30 seconds the misses a minute the tablets slow it down to catch it all) It takes a few months to find the right dosage though and the mood swings the first feww weeks can go up a level or two so be prepared for that ! Im currently going through the process of having diagnosed with ASD since his doctor believes he also has that. Dla forms are a bit of a nightmare and a little upsetting to complete as they are all about the "bad" things but the extra money goes a long way to help. Taking half is not a bad thing he needs to know that things cost and bills etc need to be paid so dont feel guilty about that. Good luck x x