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My 12 year old son does not want friends

NAS64118

My son has just started in Year 8 of a mainstream secondary school.  He is the only one from his primary school to go here and since he feels he lost all his ‘friends’ from primary school,  he is adamant that he will not make a single friend at secondary school.  He has managed to get through the whole of Year 7 with not a single friend.   One of his EHCP targets is to make 3 friends and attend one school club. However he has stated very clearly that he doesn’t want this.  The Advisory Teaching Service are telling me that when his hormones kick in properly, having a leas oe friend could save his mental health. But I wonder whether I should respect his wishes and leave him be? I’d appreciate any opinions or experiences that anyone has with regards to this.  Thanks. Anna

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  • Hi Anna. I'm mom to a 35 year old son with autism. I believe forcing someone to socialize, beyond everyday expected cooperation is just cruel. However, I would recommend continuing to provide opportunities for him to socialize as well as quite times. When my son was in school he did not socialize well with the other children because he didn't understand the concept of  playing or imagination. He was much happier doing laundry or shopping. Now as an adult he has become more curious about playing. Last Sunday he was playing with some kids at church with water guns. He had chased a group of kids into one of the classrooms, knocked on the door, and said: "I am the police, open the door so i can shoot you". Ok, he still doesn't entirely get it , lol. But the point is we don't want to change our kids, we love them the way they are. And we certainly do not want socializing to be bad thing or a requirement. Also consider, there are a lot of jobs that require solitude that are difficult to fill. For example: Truck driving, light house security or any night security , train engineer, horticulturist, data analyst, computer programmer....just to name a few. Hope this helps.......Laura

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  • Hi Anna. I'm mom to a 35 year old son with autism. I believe forcing someone to socialize, beyond everyday expected cooperation is just cruel. However, I would recommend continuing to provide opportunities for him to socialize as well as quite times. When my son was in school he did not socialize well with the other children because he didn't understand the concept of  playing or imagination. He was much happier doing laundry or shopping. Now as an adult he has become more curious about playing. Last Sunday he was playing with some kids at church with water guns. He had chased a group of kids into one of the classrooms, knocked on the door, and said: "I am the police, open the door so i can shoot you". Ok, he still doesn't entirely get it , lol. But the point is we don't want to change our kids, we love them the way they are. And we certainly do not want socializing to be bad thing or a requirement. Also consider, there are a lot of jobs that require solitude that are difficult to fill. For example: Truck driving, light house security or any night security , train engineer, horticulturist, data analyst, computer programmer....just to name a few. Hope this helps.......Laura

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