School playground

I had/ still do have these fears to. B is in a mainstream primary and only really has 2 friends who have known him since he was a toddler and accept him for the way he is, they don't know B as any different.

Have since found out that the school have a buddy system. Its a voluntary system in which the older Yr 6 children wear high vis jackets and are there to aid children who don't have someone to play with / feels lonely / unsure. They also have a friend stop, in which children can stand next to and wait for a buddy to come to them.

 It's helped B and he's known and loved by all the yr 6 kids. They have even got him joining in a game of football! But then they also know when he needs breathing room and take him to a TA. ( just wish his peers could be more understanding *sigh*)

Its a brilliant system and it works in our local school.  

Hi longman,

that's very true...unfortunately my son will try but finds the knock backs hard, so he's very happy with the things in place :). thankfully his school are brilliant, and really want to try and find his comfort zone so he's happy and learning the best he can.

it reminds me of a conversation i had with my dad, saying i was worried that Ben will have a lonely life when he's older. but as my dad pointed out, we would consider it lonely but Ben will see it as contented. i think it's important for everyone to remember that everybody leads different lives. regardless of any diagnosis people may or may not have. :)

Just as an observation it is always important to assess whether being alone in the playground is necessarily bad. If a child on the spectrum is more at peace on their own in their own thoughts it may be perfectly valid. The issue should be whether the exclusion is perceived by the child as hurtful, or whether the child is bullied for being on his/her own.  It may be that playtime is an opportunity to recover from the difficulties encountered in the classroom.

I know its a long time ago now, but in primary school I probably did best engaged in solitary activity, even if it got me a label. But the school took it on themselves to arrange for me to see a psychiatrist, without asking my parents, because they were concerned for me because I wandered about on my own supposedly talking to an imaginary friend. I was far happier doing that than coping with all the noise around me.

So please check first - make sure being alone isn't beneficial

Hi,

it is a horrible thought when you're at work or home, that your child is having a really hard time in the place where he spends the majority of their week.

My son's school is fantastic. they have put a few things in place for him. he has his own box in class, where he can bring things in from home. only he can go to this box, and it's for playtimes when he's not feeling that he can cope with the playground hustle and bustle. the rest of his class are aware they can't touch the things in the box, and they are very good at giving him spsce. his teacher made a point of talking to the whole class about how everybody is different, and have their own breaking points. she mentioned that Ben has a shorter breaking point, so asked that they support him if they can see he's not having a good day. none of them are aware of his diagnosis, so they aren't horrible to him - they're a great bunch of kids!

also, they have now appointed Ben as the librarian for school lunchtimes. he responds well to responsibility, so has taken it upon himself to order the books, and enjoys finding the books children ask for. They have even given him a proper pin with his title to wear! he wears it with pride, and really enjoys it.

perhaps you could suggest to school similar things, putting your sons strengths to good use, helping the school and making your son feel like a valued person.

hope this helps :)

sarah

This is always one of my biggest concerns, my son has just turned 5 and at the moment he seems to have some real friends who do seem to understand and care even at 5.

It is always in the back of my mind how long will they bother with him as his sppech is delayed.

When I have spoken to the school about this they have reassured me that it is part of all the teachers duties to ensure that they interact with others and are encouraged to play with others.  This is fine to a point but you can't force children together.

Just reminds me of what a cruel and hard a place the playground can be at times.  I just continue to monitor the situation as I would be so upset if I felt my son had no one to play with.

Believe me this is a hard one.

hiya

my son who is almost 10 has the same problem in the playground wonts friends and is alone and feels sad about it AND HURT

other children  will say nasty things to him , they call him names, swears at him tells him he cant join in with games

IT BREACKS MY HEART

The playground is a nightmare.  Between dealing with jokey banter name calling, to swearing, chasing and fighting it is horrible and especially without the support of a visible or accessible adult.  My son feels they all hate him, laugh at him and call him names.  He is desperate for a friend that will not hurt his feelings. 

It does break my heart too!

Does anyone get any support in the playground?