Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. My 16-year-old daugher has just been diagnosed as high functioning ASD. Let us say that some would describe it as mild, but the more we listen and learn about girls in similar circumstances, the more we are gaining awareness of the complexities. She has just started her A levels after a very gruelling experience with GCSEs. As she has just gone through diagnosis, we are now in the position of considering whether to inform the college and, if we did, what support she might expect and recieve. We did not want to leap in without hearing first how it has gone for others.
As parents just learning about, and coming to terms with, the diagnosis we are a blank page on what to do. We would welcome advice from other parents who have seen what support has been like and students who have had their own experiences of 'support' when they were 16-18 at school/college. What would you advise us to do? And what can we expect to happen?
Thank you for any guidance.
Hi
How good is your communication with your daughter? Is she comfortable telling you what's going on for her?
You will probably start to notice how tired she'll be when getting home - and her brain will be at 99% overload. She will probably need to get any homework done and then crash - it's easier if you just take up the slack for her and just make sure home life requires as little thinking and stressing as possible. Make sure she eats well (just provide easy, no argument food). You will also need to monitor her workload in case it start to get too much - she's likely to keep trying until she breaks down. You might have to be her go-between with the school - teachers often forget their promises about the work so you will need to remind them and defend her position. Make sure her weekends are nice - take away any stress and look at taking her out to redirect her mind from the studies - things like cinema, meals out etc. to give her some time not thinking about deadlines and the weight of the work.
She's likely to disappear into her room for most of the time where she has control of her environment - be careful about dragging her out of it and forcing her to be with the family - balancing her life and getting ready to spend another week socially masking needs a lot of preparation.
Thank you so much for these comments. I am pleased to say our relationship with our daughter is close and open. The picture you paint is very accurate, it is almost eerie!
Can you say a bit more please about what kind of 'support' is offered at school/college? And would you advise us (all of us, including our daughter) to discuss her diagnosis with the school? Will it help her manage the pressures of the next couple of years do you think?
A lot depends on how confident she is and what kind of relationship she has with the teachers - they often push for doing 3 or 4 A-levels and the workload may be more than she can manage with her available energy - and that depends on how hard she has to mask in the environment. Be prepared to drop an A-level if she can't manage it - better to pass a few than fail them all.
Is this at the same school she did her GCSEs? Are they already aware of her problems? Does she already have an escape area where she can go if things are too much?
She's also going to need support for exams - she may qualify for extra time and be allowed to be in a separate room from the others to minimise noise & distractions - talk to the school about what they can do to support her. Does she have a social worker to assist you?.