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Violence towards siblings

NAS39316

my daughter is still at the referral stage, these summer holidays have been hell (I won’t go into the many and varied reasons why!). 

Her behaviour towards her sibling is now spiralling out of control, today she’s left huge red and bleeding scratch marks down her chest. Every day she violent or aggressive towards her she’s tells her daily she wishes she was dead, that she stupid, fat, ugly etc.

I just don’t know how to deal with this, she literally doesn’t care about any punishment I might give and can’t actually seem to understand why her behaviour is wrong. If I ask her why she’s done it she says “I hate her, I want to hurt her so I do”. 

I don’t even know if I should be punishing her behaviour (it doesn’t seem very fair on her sister if I don’t). I’m at my wits end, I feel like I’m failing both of them, she’s almost 8 she should know this isn’t ok. Her behaviour in general has got so bad over the holidays I’m now really worried about her going back to school. 

Any and all advice on how to manage this would be very welcome. 

Parents

  • Hello,

    Sounds like you are balancing everything and dealing with the holidays.  It’s really hard sometimes.  I am not the best for advice as I am so new to all this and I struggle greatly dealing with my own daughters. I have in the past been worried about the effect my (undiagnosed Aspergers) daughter has on her siblings. In regard to violence and not nice behaviour.   I have spoken aside to them about triggers and how not to “wind her up” and how to step back and not let things spiral out of control.  This had helped them to stop the situations worsening and I do feel this has helped.  I have spoken t the eldest about the condition and how it feels to be her sister.  Knowledge is power etc ! The ASD drop in gave me advice that I need to show the siblings that I am in control and I can work it all out so they don’t become scared, I have shown this to them, even if I just say “i’ve got this it’s all okay” and that has helped.  Also I do not accept any violence and there are always consequences. Usually I take the phone away or send her for time out and I afterwards explain why it’s not okay.  It’s really hard, the holidays are not easy  I hope all is a bit easier for you when school is back and the routine etc and that you can get some support.  Sometimes I find I panic about things becoming the norm but they are a phase.  I’m new to all this so I hope someone else responds, I wish you well x

Reply

  • Hello,

    Sounds like you are balancing everything and dealing with the holidays.  It’s really hard sometimes.  I am not the best for advice as I am so new to all this and I struggle greatly dealing with my own daughters. I have in the past been worried about the effect my (undiagnosed Aspergers) daughter has on her siblings. In regard to violence and not nice behaviour.   I have spoken aside to them about triggers and how not to “wind her up” and how to step back and not let things spiral out of control.  This had helped them to stop the situations worsening and I do feel this has helped.  I have spoken t the eldest about the condition and how it feels to be her sister.  Knowledge is power etc ! The ASD drop in gave me advice that I need to show the siblings that I am in control and I can work it all out so they don’t become scared, I have shown this to them, even if I just say “i’ve got this it’s all okay” and that has helped.  Also I do not accept any violence and there are always consequences. Usually I take the phone away or send her for time out and I afterwards explain why it’s not okay.  It’s really hard, the holidays are not easy  I hope all is a bit easier for you when school is back and the routine etc and that you can get some support.  Sometimes I find I panic about things becoming the norm but they are a phase.  I’m new to all this so I hope someone else responds, I wish you well x

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