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Oooohhhhh i am so mad!!! very long..... sorry!

MrsP

Honestly the mood i am in at the moment i could rival my sons meltdowns!

I have a DS (6) - Mainstream - Dx of ASD (awaiting results of 3Di test to clarify exactly where on spectrum but assuming AS), some SALT difficulties, co-ordination and concentration issues as well.


As a rule my sons teacher ROCKS - she reads articles and shows them to me, his action plans are always above and beyond etc etc - i really got a good one.  On one afternoon a week ds's class has a TA take the class (Shes not a TA shes a student teacher or whatever it is) anyway, no problems actually like the woman (or i did!)

Yesterday after school my friend was picking ds and dd (aged 9) up for me from school - when she got there the TA had told Ds to wait by the steps (hes in an outside classroom - demountable?) of course he didn't! Cue when my friend getting there my ds is no where to be seen, my dd is worrying herself - cue all hell breaking loose and everyone going on a DS hunt!! Thankfully about about 5 minutes Ds's 1:1 found him and brought him back... bad enough yes?

The TA then proceeded to rip shreds of my ds, really went to town shouting at him about how he should do as he was told etc etc etc....... she then (this is where i get really mad!) demanded he looked at her whilst she was talking - this is a 6yo boy who rarely makes eyecontact - who was starting at his feet crying silently... being MADE to look at a TA so she could continue to shout at him...

I honestly consider myself a reasonable person, I am angry that they lost my son - but can acknowledge that actually she probably did little more than blink (he has a habit of wandering) and i would imagine that the shock of seeing him gone probably gave her a heart attack so i doubt it willl be repeated....... I am livid that she on finding him didn't check he was okay but instead proceeded to shout at him about his behaviour (ummm hang on, whose job is it to be watching who here???) but i am absolutely fuming that she demanded he looked at her...... There is that little voice that says the shock of him being gone and then returned probably meant she relied more on absolute instinct than any common sense but i am absolutley fuming!

I have today made a complaint to the headteacher and demanded she attends an autism awareness course before she starts ranting again about any other child as well as apologise to ds for shouting at him (i am more than happy for him to be told that walking off is wrong but for a child who struggles to understand emotion her reaction was absolutly damanging to him)......

Sorry just needed to rant!!! I honestly think im probably being more than reasonable (tbh if i had been there yesterday as opposed to at work it would be a whole new story!!) but even though the complaint has been done i just cannot let it go!

Would love opinions or even people telling me that wanting to go shout at her and then demand she stands there in her underwear (to make her as uncomfortable as ds was made to feel) whilst i shout at her is reasonable (i do know its not lol)

Thanks for listening!!!

Parents

  • This did get me thinking. In the classroom, it is very common to make sure kids are paying attention by ensuring they look at you and it does become second nature. It is wrong to expect it from AS kids, perhaps other kids as well. I have made this mistake with a student who didn't disclose his ASD. Not asking him to look at me but trying to catch his eye. I was mortified when I realised I was making him feel uncomfotable.  I agree that teachers need to think about this more carefully and be more attuned. What helps me to remember is to remind myself that people listen with their ears not their eyes.  In fact I notice with some students they turn their head away and look down so they can hear you better and focus on what you are saying. This might be worth passing on. As to how your son was treated, appalling, ASD or not, Teachers should not be shouting unless an emergency. It is unacceptable to force any child to look at an angry shouting face that is scaring them. Clearly even more so in your son's situation.  Looks like a good outcome to get her better training though. And I guess we all make mistakes especially when we are learning.  I expect she will learn a lot from it.  Hope your lad is OK now.

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  • This did get me thinking. In the classroom, it is very common to make sure kids are paying attention by ensuring they look at you and it does become second nature. It is wrong to expect it from AS kids, perhaps other kids as well. I have made this mistake with a student who didn't disclose his ASD. Not asking him to look at me but trying to catch his eye. I was mortified when I realised I was making him feel uncomfotable.  I agree that teachers need to think about this more carefully and be more attuned. What helps me to remember is to remind myself that people listen with their ears not their eyes.  In fact I notice with some students they turn their head away and look down so they can hear you better and focus on what you are saying. This might be worth passing on. As to how your son was treated, appalling, ASD or not, Teachers should not be shouting unless an emergency. It is unacceptable to force any child to look at an angry shouting face that is scaring them. Clearly even more so in your son's situation.  Looks like a good outcome to get her better training though. And I guess we all make mistakes especially when we are learning.  I expect she will learn a lot from it.  Hope your lad is OK now.

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