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How do you juggle working and teenage autistic child?

Ch3rrie

Hi everyone,

At the moment, I am in university and when I graduate, my son will be 14.

I am a single mother and finding childcare for him now he is in secondary school has been an impossible task and I just don't know if I am even going to be able to even get a full time job when I do graduate due to the lack of support out there for teenagers.

My son might by then be able to independently travel to and from his school, but then what?  He will be 14, he surely won't be able to come home on his own and stay there until I am home.  His school do not do any after school clubs and I had no luck looking for a childminder or after school club.  I contacted my local council and they couldn't find any help either.

I looked into a personal assistant, but they are around £14 an hour and the only help i'd get would be about £550 from direct payments.  I can't rely on anyone in my life to be there to help out either.

My marriage has recently broken down and I feel like I am going to have no choice but to stay at home and be his carer full time and not be able to earn enough money to support my children, buy a house for them and give them financial stability because I can't find any way for him to be guaranteed safe if I am working.

There is absolutely no problem with me staying at home and being his carer, I did that for a long time before University.  I just want to be able to buy a house, give myself a life, show my children that even with mountains, I was able to overcome them and it was worth it.  I want to be able to own a house and be able to leave them something for when I am gone so I know they will at least have a home and never have to worry about it.

My degree will be in Law so I know, it's going to be a lot of work already.

Am I trying to work an impossible thing out here?  If it's not impossible, how is it done?

Parents

  • He can dress himself and get himself ready, I have to prompt him sometimes, but the mornings I think as long as he can travel independently, he should be fine.

    It's after school that I worry for.   He is 11 now and going into year 7.  I have 2 more years of my degree left and then I wanted to have a year to build experience for myself or study more, and hopefully that extra year will give my son another year to be independent enough.  I just worry so much and have no backup plan.

    I worry his no sense of danger is going to be too risky to leave him alone for a few hours.  I don't think he would be able to cook his own food at 14.  At 11, he acts a lot younger than my 8 year old and I worry that even when he is 14, he will still have a mind of a much younger child.  

    But maybe it is me worrying and not giving him the chance to be independent?  As I can't predict how able he will be in 3 years, I think it's why I am so worried and think a worse case scenario.

    I have no worry for my daughter and know when she goes to secondary school that she will be able to go to and from school fine and look after herself.  I do worry that she is going to be given her brother to look after when it should be my job though.

  • Former Member
    Former Member in reply to Ch3rrie

    I see a lot of positives in your situation. You have a number of years to start teaching your son and daughter the skills they need to look after themselves for a few hours. Plus, when they have to put these skills into action you're helping them the transition to adulthood. If your son is slower at picking things up the early you can prepare him for independent living the better, otherwise, how will he cope when the time comes for him to move out or is he going to live with you for the rest of your life?

    Although you might miss out of a couple of hours in the week your situation can create lots of opportunities for family time, such as back cooking meals together that they can heat up.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member in reply to Ch3rrie

    I see a lot of positives in your situation. You have a number of years to start teaching your son and daughter the skills they need to look after themselves for a few hours. Plus, when they have to put these skills into action you're helping them the transition to adulthood. If your son is slower at picking things up the early you can prepare him for independent living the better, otherwise, how will he cope when the time comes for him to move out or is he going to live with you for the rest of your life?

    Although you might miss out of a couple of hours in the week your situation can create lots of opportunities for family time, such as back cooking meals together that they can heat up.

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