Failed my son?!

My son is now 12 and has always been quirky. It has never been an issue for us but has caused him great problems in his life outside of the immediate family, both socially and academically. We are now in our first stages of reaching an asd diagnosis and i feel like i failed him. How did i fail to recognise, for so very long, the behaviours that have now triggered this referral? Im also angry at his primary school, surely the specialists involved in the lives and the care of young children are trained to identify additional needs? 

Without a formal diagnosis, his school are refusing to provide any additional support to him and yet im advised that this process could take up to 18months. At which time he will be entrenched in GCSE study and higher expectation than ever before. 

Does anyone know how to overcome the phrase that has become so prominent in our lives, the 'without a formal diagnosis' dilemma? I have found a number of services that offer a world of hope of fantastic support and development but also cost the world. If i had the funds to provide my son with all the support he needs, there would no question of him receiving it but unfortunately i dont. 

Im scared for him now, school has become a place of severe torment that is directly affecting his emotional state - a state which he struggles to understand and is beginning to believe that because he feels so bad, he must truly be bad from the core. 

And from a selfish view point, i cannot seem to overcome the feeling that had i identified his quirks as having a deeper cause, his life thus far could have been so much more. 

I would greatly appreciate any sign posting suggestions and advice on how to overcome our upcoming challenges. 

Parents
  • I got diagnosed with Asperger's at age 15 after I started self-harming on my arms and legs with a slate in school. It took that to get anyone to finally refer me to a psychiatrist. My mother had been to doctors for years asking for help with my behaviour and what not and had been ignored. So don't feel you have failed your son. Often the system is very ignorant and it takes time. I wanted to emphasise that your son finding out he's Autistic at the age he is, is a little younger than I did so perhaps you can take that as at least something positive. 

    The wait you have to experience is really awful. One thing you could possibly do is look for an Autism support group or social group in your area and your son coiuld go, and you could tell a white lie like he is in the process of being diagnosed if anyone asks if he has Autism. Then he might be able to meet a friend or at least pick up some tips from other people.

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  • I got diagnosed with Asperger's at age 15 after I started self-harming on my arms and legs with a slate in school. It took that to get anyone to finally refer me to a psychiatrist. My mother had been to doctors for years asking for help with my behaviour and what not and had been ignored. So don't feel you have failed your son. Often the system is very ignorant and it takes time. I wanted to emphasise that your son finding out he's Autistic at the age he is, is a little younger than I did so perhaps you can take that as at least something positive. 

    The wait you have to experience is really awful. One thing you could possibly do is look for an Autism support group or social group in your area and your son coiuld go, and you could tell a white lie like he is in the process of being diagnosed if anyone asks if he has Autism. Then he might be able to meet a friend or at least pick up some tips from other people.

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