Psychologist??

Where is his safe space where he can hide from the world and process his day?    Is he managing at school?   If he's stressed because of the day's interactions and no way to decompress then the slightest demand placed upon him will push him over the edge.    What hobbies does he have where people don't interfere with him?  What does he enjoy?    How chaotic is your household?   Is it noisy/people shouting? 

Where is he able to escape to?

He has a safe space in his room with objects that he has chosen to calm him. He likes playing on his tablet and climbing a tree in the garden. Problem is he doesn’t identify he is heading towards a meltdown therefore doesn’t use them and then obviously meltdown occurs. We are a fairly straightforward family and wouldn’t describe it as chaotic?!

Does he have a logical routine in his life?   Does he know what's expected of him?   Does he have anything to vent at - something he can expend all the frustration and excess energy with - like a punchbag or hard physical activity he likes?  (Something other than people?)

Some autistics experience this but not all. I never felt the social pressure to fit in. The sensory environment did cause me issues at school though and later at work in a uni. I used to have a diffuser on with calming scents to help me get through the day. I also blocked out the window on my office door to reduce the impact of people constantly walking past. As such, I think its key to not make any assumptions and instead to speak to your son about his specific experiences and observe what is going on.

When communicating might also be useful to consider how literal autistic people can be and how some of us struggle with readings between the lines. For example, if someone asked me how school was, as I was in the top sets getting good grades I'd of said great. If I'd been asked about how I felt about going back after holidays/ a day off I'd have been able to communicate my distress around the change. I also wish my parents noticed how many migraines I had and were able to make the connection to my sensory needs. Esp as these were relevant in the activities they tried to force me to do too, such as visiting busy tourist spots in peak season.

Some autistics experience this but not all. I never felt the social pressure to fit in. The sensory environment did cause me issues at school though and later at work in a uni. I used to have a diffuser on with calming scents to help me get through the day. I also blocked out the window on my office door to reduce the impact of people constantly walking past. As such, I think its key to not make any assumptions and instead to speak to your son about his specific experiences and observe what is going on.

When communicating might also be useful to consider how literal autistic people can be and how some of us struggle with readings between the lines. For example, if someone asked me how school was, as I was in the top sets getting good grades I'd of said great. If I'd been asked about how I felt about going back after holidays/ a day off I'd have been able to communicate my distress around the change. I also wish my parents noticed how many migraines I had and were able to make the connection to my sensory needs. Esp as these were relevant in the activities they tried to force me to do too, such as visiting busy tourist spots in peak season.