Psychologist??

When I experience a meltdown my natural reaction is to experience suicidal thoughts, however, this isn't because I'm autistic. It's due to the NT people who influenced my childhood and how they reacted to the world.

The way the whole family interacts and behaves will be influencing your son, his reactions to the world, as well as his coping strategies. As such, instead of putting all of the emphasis on your son to change, such as sending him to see a psychologist, have you considered looking into family support instead? Is there a service who could observe the family  to see where the issues may lie? For example, if there are challenges with how you communicate with each other accessing tailored support around this would be much more effective.

Thanks for your reply. I’m fully committed to supporting my son however I have to consider the needs of my younger daughter too. We have adopted all the communication strategies e.g comic strip/social stories. I do feel that my son is not happy and try my very best to help him but I think it needs to be explored further. 

 That isn't what I'm getting at. For example, my BIL often tells his children 'no' but he doesn't explain why its a no or why he feels that he should always get his own way. He doesn't explain his action or help his children to develop by discussing each other's way of thinking and why things happen as they do within their family dynamics. This behaviour has been learnt from his step-father. Due to being treated like this as a child my OH doesn't feel like he can be himself at home as he won't be accepted unless he behaves in exactly the way his step-father wants. I can see my BIL's son feels the same and has withdrawn in himself. The BIL can't see what's happening as this is normal for his family. 

Your son may be being aggressive as this is what he's seen at home. For example, he might have witnessed snappy or aggressive behaviour from you, his dad or others around him, which is why he thinks it's ok to cope with his emotions in this way. This is why I suggested bringing in someone from the outside to observe what's going on as the issue might not be what you think it is.

My NT sibling also has poor coping strategies in regards to her emotions due to what she observed at home. Therefore, if the issue are due to his environmental the changes could help with your daughter's development too.

The only challenge that I can see from the list that is specifically autistic behaviour is the willingness to do anything new. This might not change and just as your son will have to learn to accept your NT traits that he finds incredibly challenging you may have to accept some of his traits too. Change still terrifies me, to the point where I picked up some vegetarian kebabs in the supermarket then threw them away as trying something new was too terrifying. 

Why does your son shout if you say he can't do something? Is shouting during conflict something he has picked up from his environment? Why is he getting so stressed? For example, is what he wants to do needed to manage his anxieties and by preventing him from using this coping strategy your sending his anxieties through the roof? Is one of the things you need to be to learn more about autism and how best to support your son?

 That isn't what I'm getting at. For example, my BIL often tells his children 'no' but he doesn't explain why its a no or why he feels that he should always get his own way. He doesn't explain his action or help his children to develop by discussing each other's way of thinking and why things happen as they do within their family dynamics. This behaviour has been learnt from his step-father. Due to being treated like this as a child my OH doesn't feel like he can be himself at home as he won't be accepted unless he behaves in exactly the way his step-father wants. I can see my BIL's son feels the same and has withdrawn in himself. The BIL can't see what's happening as this is normal for his family. 

Your son may be being aggressive as this is what he's seen at home. For example, he might have witnessed snappy or aggressive behaviour from you, his dad or others around him, which is why he thinks it's ok to cope with his emotions in this way. This is why I suggested bringing in someone from the outside to observe what's going on as the issue might not be what you think it is.

My NT sibling also has poor coping strategies in regards to her emotions due to what she observed at home. Therefore, if the issue are due to his environmental the changes could help with your daughter's development too.

The only challenge that I can see from the list that is specifically autistic behaviour is the willingness to do anything new. This might not change and just as your son will have to learn to accept your NT traits that he finds incredibly challenging you may have to accept some of his traits too. Change still terrifies me, to the point where I picked up some vegetarian kebabs in the supermarket then threw them away as trying something new was too terrifying. 

Why does your son shout if you say he can't do something? Is shouting during conflict something he has picked up from his environment? Why is he getting so stressed? For example, is what he wants to do needed to manage his anxieties and by preventing him from using this coping strategy your sending his anxieties through the roof? Is one of the things you need to be to learn more about autism and how best to support your son?

We are not aggressive or snappy and model appropriate behaviours. I work with autistic children so have a good understanding but the usual strategies are not useful with managing sons anxieties. We do explain if we say no why. We would not stop him from using his coping strategies as long as it was safe for him and others.