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Question of mental age

NAS63113

Hi All,

My daughter has had a recent diagnosis of mild autism. She’s 10 years old in a mainstream school and is in most subjects at national and above level. 

Her main problems are interaction although she gets on great with certain kids!

she also struggles with anxiety, mainly things she doesn’t believe she can do which she ends up finding easy!

A friend of ours made a comment about what her mental age is the other day which caused great offence. 

Am I being over sensitive or was this out of order?

Thanks everyone. 

Paul

  • in reply to NAS63113

    Welcome to the crazy bunch ..lol.

    That's the thing, she’s exactly the same person as she’s always been, my daughters are also girly, caring, bubbly, imaginative and experimentational. Nothing like the stereotype, because no one is like that outdated stereotype.

    The main thing is the dx shouldn't matter, especially for 'friends'.

  • in reply to Tinyexplorer

    Hi,

    Thanks for that, nail on head etc!

    The thing is she’s only just been diagnosed so to me she’s exactly the same person as she’s always been. (I just thought she was a bit crazy like meGrinning)

    I like who she is, she’s very kind and likes to wear pretty dresses and not strut round in boob tubes like the aforementioned persons own kids of similar age!

    I think I’ll just take the comment with a pinch of salt and get on trying to give her the support she needs. 

    Thank you. 

  • If the way your friend treats your daughter upsets you, this is a real problem, your feelings and worries are valid.

    I have to take issue with the language of family members from time to time.

    Trouble is what is meant by mental age. Sometimes I have to deal with differences in maturity and social experience, but this is not mental age as such.

    My main line is that it is a difference, it brings challenges and huge strengths and abilities. Autistic people have spiky profiles, in the strengths area their levels are often far ahead of age. Let them know your daughter strongest strengths. Make it clear.  There is a difference in interests between autistic children and the more social oriented NT peers, but it enables them to focus on their strength, everything in its own time. There is no rush to be interested in sex and alcohol ... lol.

    Autism in itself is not an intellectual disability and not a delay. This language is not used in UK and even in US autism advocates equate the language of delays to hate speech. Autism is a difference in the brain wiring associated with a different way of processing. The way the brain develops/wires is different, not the resulting level of development and ability as such. 

    I think the only way to assert equality is to talk in neurodiversity terms: autism is a neurological difference in processing and interacting with the world. Your daughter has difficulties with anxiety, she is better at interaction with selected people on 1:1 basis, but otherwise she [insert strenghts and achievements here] .