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Mild self harm - 12 yrs old Aspergers child

Mum on a mission :)

My 12 year old daughter is in the process of a diagnosis.  All I have read and researched is telling me she’s an Aspergers child. She is a wonderful beautiful and amazing girl.  She’s struggling a lot.  Her meltdowns are becoming worse and she’s is punching herself, I haven’t seen her doing this but I have heard it and she’s told me.  I am worried about the progression of this as worse self harm.  

Can anyone help with techniques to NOT punch herself? To do something else that isn’t self harm.  I don’t think I can stop her melting down or having the emotional surges but I really need to stop her hurting herself.

I need to stop her wanting to hurt herself more.

All kind advice welcome ..... thank you in advance x

  • in reply to NAS62943

    Thank you for your kindness and advice. i will try the social services. 

  • Hello, 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your beautiful girl. I'd recommend taking her to the GP again, and/ or calling social care in your area for some support and advice. Social services have a wealth of information and advice available, and may be able to direct you to exactly where you need to go for support. 

    In the meantime, what I see here is that punching obviously helps her to discharge her energy. That's okay! Just not to herself or others, as you know. So, how about installing a punch bag for her, or even providing her a 'punching' pillow? I always think it's easier to redirect behaviours, rather than try to prevent them completely. If she still needs some stimulation on herself, see if a tight squeeze on her body helps once she's done punching. I'd just try to look at the core practices and redirect them into something healthier which she can take into adulthood (nothing wrong with having a punch bag), as trying to prevent her from these things could just lead to more frustration. 

    I do hope this helps!

  • in reply to mouse2

    Thanks for the advice. I am worried there will be a change in the severity and CaHMs have said that punching is a behaviour not mental health so she isn’t under them.  Thank again and I wish you all the best for your son x

  • in reply to Mum on a mission :)

    My son was younger when he would do this, punching, biting, hitting his head on a wall. I used to bear hug him but all kids are different. The key would be to try and intervein before she gets so overwhelmed but this isnt always possible. 

  • in reply to NAS50003

    Thank you x all very helpful and kind of you to reply..  Yes it is difficult. Very much so but worse for her I am sure. We have 3 other children and she scares the youngest. That’s a struggle too. I will order the book you suggest. Thank you. I have so many things going on. I work in a lesser job than I should be as I would implode if I had a proper full time job. I am worried as I read about suicidal thoughts effecting girls with Aspergers. The people do judge and they are best left alone aren’t they. I have always been kind and inclusive and parented my children to be that way.  The mothers at school are worse than the children actually ! My daughter is walking the school at break and lunch as she feels isolated. Hoping SEN involvement will help her but she is shouting out loud and clear she doesn’t want  to be différent. I also feel guilty that I have got cross about her meltdowns .... I deal with it differently now, much better for sell of us to not « tackle » the behaviour and instead let it pass x all advice welcome . Thanks for replying when I needed support x 

  • Hi

    My daughter is on the pathway to Asperger's diognoses as well.

    It's very difficult isn't it.  Have you been to your Drs.

    Also is your daughter at school..mine isn't and is very isolated. 

    These are the things that have helped me

    Clear the house of anything she can use to hurt herself or others with

    Spend lots of time if she will let you listening and if she enjoys hugs give them out when wanted. What are her triggers?

    Is she angry because of the diognosed and that she knows she's different and this mixed with hormones is too much for her.

    What soothes her? A pet, exercise.swuiggies..puzxles..yoga

    Have you read any Dr Tony Attwood or watched his seminars on YouTube. The other thing l wondered about was if u have s local carers group you can go to for support.

    I'm in the east Midlands and have loads of info..it's so difficult. Keep on going, take every day as it comes.

    Make sure you get breaks so you stay strong for her

    There is s YouTube channel with Dr  Natasha Daniels that's v good for anxiety and o.c.d.

    Iv found that different people have different effects on my daughter and certain people antagonize her. Be v careful to whom you entrust her with..like my daughter she is v vulnerable at the moment.

    Hope that helps. Please PM me if you want to. Don't be alone with this and reach out to others. If people judge you..be polite and move on. You will find  helpful people who help point u in the right direction.

    There's a national charity called Family Lines and Asperger's websites. Apply for DLA if you're a full time carer.

    Hopev lv been a bit helpful.x Take Care of yourself.