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Attachment to things

NAS62798

Hi. New here as in the process of diagnosis of 6 year old son. Older daughter has high functioning autism although late diagnosis so different experience.

My son gets overly attached to things. Not always a specific thing but things in general. Getting rid of old toys and clothes is so difficult as he gets distraught at the idea. He gets upset at getting older as it means clothes won't fit anymore.

I can sneak things out and he generally forgets about them but I would like to find a way that he can participate in making way for new things that are more age appropriate and coping with growing out of things. He is obsessed with getting new things so something has to give!

I've tried explaining about space limits, less fortunate children etc 

Any suggestions?

Parents

  • Fixation and attachement is a behaviour regulated by the nervous system. Children, not just autistics but those with ADHD, have stronger tendencies to focus their attention towards restricted objects, and impart more emotion towards them.

    Your son exhbits a meldown, possibly because he associates the attached item as being integral to his happiness. So by taking it away he may perceieve that is an injury to himself. He needs to see the process of aging as something exciting, not fearful.

    Toy box strategy:

    1. Go to a large supermarket with home products or shop with your son, you will be tasked with buying a toy box (plastic tub container) which he will pick out, .i.e: favourite colour or particular theme/graphic -- which is reverse psychology, as if he selects the box he is more likely to particpate in the activity.
    2. Develop a game where he gets comfortable with putting his toys in the box. This is to prevent them from freaking out and having a meltdown.
    3. Form a habit around putting toys back in the box after playing (unless it's for stimming).

    How it works?

    Every few months or year the box is filled with new toys as a reward for good behaviour, school work etc.However, there is a caveat: In order to recieve the new toy, they need to give up an old toy. This is a good practical exercise in decision making for later life. You can lift this once all their old toys have been replaced with more age appropriate ones.

    If he is autistic then it is highly likely he has trouble with empathy, so seeing things from the perspective of others (less fortunate) is hard to do. You need to reframe it from the perspective of his own life. In terms of clothes, you can tell them to give up the old clothes and you will try to find the same but in a bigger size.

Reply

  • Fixation and attachement is a behaviour regulated by the nervous system. Children, not just autistics but those with ADHD, have stronger tendencies to focus their attention towards restricted objects, and impart more emotion towards them.

    Your son exhbits a meldown, possibly because he associates the attached item as being integral to his happiness. So by taking it away he may perceieve that is an injury to himself. He needs to see the process of aging as something exciting, not fearful.

    Toy box strategy:

    1. Go to a large supermarket with home products or shop with your son, you will be tasked with buying a toy box (plastic tub container) which he will pick out, .i.e: favourite colour or particular theme/graphic -- which is reverse psychology, as if he selects the box he is more likely to particpate in the activity.
    2. Develop a game where he gets comfortable with putting his toys in the box. This is to prevent them from freaking out and having a meltdown.
    3. Form a habit around putting toys back in the box after playing (unless it's for stimming).

    How it works?

    Every few months or year the box is filled with new toys as a reward for good behaviour, school work etc.However, there is a caveat: In order to recieve the new toy, they need to give up an old toy. This is a good practical exercise in decision making for later life. You can lift this once all their old toys have been replaced with more age appropriate ones.

    If he is autistic then it is highly likely he has trouble with empathy, so seeing things from the perspective of others (less fortunate) is hard to do. You need to reframe it from the perspective of his own life. In terms of clothes, you can tell them to give up the old clothes and you will try to find the same but in a bigger size.

Children
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