Help with neighbours

Hi - I have signed up here for some help as we are at our wits end.

Our son is 13 with ASD. Over the years we have had various problems with our neighbours relating to his behaviour - toys going over the fence, looking over the fence etc.

Over the past 12 months or so, they have started to swear at him, stick fingers up at him and so on, and when he reacts they just get more aggressive. The situation got so bad they we contacted the police, and they spoke to both our son and the neighbours, and this seemed to calm things down a little.

However, our son's latest thing is that if the hears them in the garden - for example, at their dustbins - he will watch them from our window. This has now become yet another problem - when they come out into the garden they are straight away scanning our windows to see if he is there watching, and if he is, they shout abuse at him.

So, the situation we now have is that they don't like him being in the garden because he looks over the fence, and they don't like him looking out of the windows. We have just ordered some new window locks so that we can stop him opening the windows.

But we are beginning to feel like prisoners in our own home.

Are we being unreasonable neighbours and not supervising our son enough, or are we being bullied?

Help!

Adam, Bedfordshire.

Parents
  • You might want to mention to them that their behaviour is exacerbating the problem - the more random and unpredictable they are, the more interesting they are for your son.   it's all a huge amount of ever-changing data for him to assimilate and process.   Better than tv.

    The more boring and predictable they are, the less interesting and less data is available for him - he'll lose interest.   What other hobbies does he have that will be more stimulating than the neighbours?

    You can re-direct his attention onto more productive things - are you able to put that much time and energy into changing his behaviour?

Reply
  • You might want to mention to them that their behaviour is exacerbating the problem - the more random and unpredictable they are, the more interesting they are for your son.   it's all a huge amount of ever-changing data for him to assimilate and process.   Better than tv.

    The more boring and predictable they are, the less interesting and less data is available for him - he'll lose interest.   What other hobbies does he have that will be more stimulating than the neighbours?

    You can re-direct his attention onto more productive things - are you able to put that much time and energy into changing his behaviour?

Children
  • Thanks for the replies. I think he gets a certain amount of stimulation from their reactions, which as you say, simply exacerbates the problem.

    He has got other interests, and when we can get him to focus on those he is ok. Unfortunately, he has a very short attention span, and unless he has someone directing his 'play' or at least supervising him, sooner or later he will stick his head out the window.

    To be honest, all communication has broken down (hence the previous involvement of the police) - any chane of reasoning with them was lost ages ago.