Hi, my son has been diagnosed with ASD since the age of 2. We have overcome many challenges over the years, however, the biggest challenge that we are still struggling with is his behaviour.
He is constantly hitting, slapping, hurting himself (banging his head) kicking the walls, slamming the door and it is getting much more difficult to manage as he gets older. The bigger he gets, the more painful it is to deal with his behaviour.
We have been to many workshops and sought advice from teachers etc regarding his behaviour. And some strategies has been used (such as the ABC method). But, what we're struggling with mainly is what to do when he is hitting and punching.
This is what we are currently doing: when he has his tantrums/ outbursts, we try and figure out what the problem is and then we try and calm him down as best as possible (e.g giving sensory toys, blowing bubbles). But during his outbursts, he has been hitting others and screaming- so once he has calmed down, we set a timer as a way of discipline and to make sure he understands that he cannot be hitting to get what he wants.
This does work, and some days are easier than others but the main issue I have is that he will still be violent towards others. I am not sure how I can deal with this. I make sure nobody is around him when he is hitting, but then he resorts to kicking the wall- there is no way in removing the walls away from him. And he also slams the door so hard that he has already broken 2 doors. He will bang his head and when I try to move him away from anything dangerous, he attacks me. The more older he is getting, the more difficult it is getting to manage his behaviour. My deepest concern was when he came back from school today and I had been told he had attacked one of the staff and made his nose bleed. I was very disappointed and ashamed when I had heard this and I am fearing that it's only going to get worse.
I am trying my best but I feel like nothing is working. He will keep being violent, and I feel like the consequences; i.e placing him on a timer or not allowing him to go on his tablet, is not working effectively and I am struggling to find a solution. It sometimes gets too much for me, especially when you've already had a stressful day. I would really appreciate any help or advice to help me deal with my child better. I just want all of the violence to stop, or at least be handled better.
As one avenue of approach, perhaps get the following book or at least read a bit of it's PDF version:
Most particularly from Chapter 6. The Understanding and Expression of Emotions Page 140, which goes onto dealing with Anger on Page 155, Managing Rage on Page 158 and pretty much everything else through the book involving educational approaches and resources etc.
I am sorry that you're going through a challenging time with your son. It seems that you have tried some strategies and sought advice, but here are some links to other behavioural strategies/tips that may help.
I hope this helps.
Sounds very stressful and l can relate to what your going through.
There's a book by Dr Ross Green. The Explosive Child.
This had helped us.
Nordic fish oil. The purest one makes a huge difference with my daughter. Are you keeping a diary so u can see what triggers him.
Also make sure you are looking after yourselves.
If you have a local carers association give them a call and ask if they know the following.
are they aware of any national funding available through the national lottery or other (children in need) which would enable you to have a qualified carer to come in maybe for a couple of hours a week and take the pressure off.
they're might not be but if there is this would give you the chance to go out and relax and be away from the house and the situation.this is not selfish as if you don't look after yourself then the relationship between you and your son will suffer.
Inflexibility of thinking is something to work on. Maybe if you try watching Dr Green and Dr Tony Attwood on YouTube it might be beneficial.
You know your son but you're in the position as a parent and an adult to be more flexible and be creative in the way that you say and do things so therefore if you keep on trying different approaches in the end you'll find something that works.
Hi Deepthought, thanks for the recommendation! I will be checking out the book
Hi Chloe Mod, Thanks for the help and providing me with these useful links.
Hi NAS5003, Thank you for all of the recommendations and your help, I really appreciate all of the support you have given me.