Son 22 diagnosed with autism

My son has recently been diagnosed. He managed to cope with life throughout his school years but when he left home to go to university he became very anxious and depressed. Despite this, he graduated last year after 3 lonely and unhappy years. It broke my heart to see him so isolated but although I tried to persuade him to drop out of uni and come home, he insisted on finishing the course. 

Since last summer, he has had one temp office job which didn’t work out as they weren’t aware of his autism and he was unable to work to the standard that they were expecting. They liked him but in the end they suggested that he might want to resign rather than wait and be fired. Since then he has been unemployed. I found a local community arts centre for mental health and they have taken him on as a volunteer but this is only on one half day a week. They also arranged for him to do a short course at  evening class on teaching skills as he is a talented musician.

Most of the time he spends in his room on his laptop. It is 11:30am and as usual he is in bed. He has no motivation to help me or his dad and has regressed into the role of a child with us running around after him. I am finding this very stressful as his older sister is disabled and is also unemployed although she is trying her very best to get a job. 

I have put him in touch with the local autism centre but he doesn’t want to meet other people with autism. He is extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about a number of subjects. I am very concerned that he is so unhappy and anxious. He says he wants a job, a girlfriend and just to be ‘normal’. I have found a psychotherapist who specialises in Aspergers and I am paying for private sessions as my son says that she ‘gets him’. In the meantime I am unable to turn to friends or relations (with the exception of his dad) for support as he has told me not to tell anyone. 

I don’t know how to help him. Are there any parents in a similar situation or that have had to cope with this sort of issue? To be honest all this is starting to affect my mental health. 

Parents
  • Hi - I am afraid I don't really have any advice but I can certainly empathise with your situation. My son is 17 and totally socially isolated. He refused school because he was so anxious and ended up in the local PRU for his last year - this eventually worked well for him and he started to make contact with others in his group, but sadly ended as he was 16 by then. He has spent the year since then refusing college and staying in his room, obsessively playing computer games, sleeping all day, and getting more and more depressed. He has an EHC Plan but nothing seems to happen to help him. My husband and I both work full time and struggle to support him as much as he needs. We also have a daughter who is 14 and happy enough thank goodness. But god I understand the sorrow and guilt and misery that affects the parents, and the frustration at not knowing where to find help or what that help might look like. Thinking of you !

Reply
  • Hi - I am afraid I don't really have any advice but I can certainly empathise with your situation. My son is 17 and totally socially isolated. He refused school because he was so anxious and ended up in the local PRU for his last year - this eventually worked well for him and he started to make contact with others in his group, but sadly ended as he was 16 by then. He has spent the year since then refusing college and staying in his room, obsessively playing computer games, sleeping all day, and getting more and more depressed. He has an EHC Plan but nothing seems to happen to help him. My husband and I both work full time and struggle to support him as much as he needs. We also have a daughter who is 14 and happy enough thank goodness. But god I understand the sorrow and guilt and misery that affects the parents, and the frustration at not knowing where to find help or what that help might look like. Thinking of you !

Children
  • Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. Things have been hectic. Thankyou for you supportive words, I hope that things improve for you and your son. My son has expressed a wish to teach piano and guitar privately from home. It is good that he is thinking about the future at last but I know from experience that words are not the same as actions. I have offered to help him but I don’t want to end up being his boss. What sort of benefits and support does your son have (apart from yourselves)?