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Disciplining and coping with tantrums

NAS62529

Hi Wave 

My eldest son is almost 3 and I believe he is showing signs of being autistic. He has a speech delay and we are currently under SALT and we have had an appointment with a paediatrician. 

We have reached that stage where the emotions are flowing and ‘tantrums’/ outburst are happening maybe 4 or 5 times a day at least. I know that this is normal for his age, but I don’t know how to deal with them. Until we have been told 100% he is not autistic ( I know this may be a long road to get on, if we manage to at all.) I and trying to have some understanding when disciplining him of how he processes things. When your children has/had tantrums/ outbursts how have you dealt with it? Or how have you dealt with discipline all together? 

I know each child is different and so is everyone parenting styles but any pointers would be greatly appreciated so I have somewhere to start. 

Thanks xx

  • in reply to NAS39248

    I do think this is a big contribution. The nursery are currently teaching him makaton which he has picked up, but it’s finding a course so I can learn it aswell xx 

  • in reply to Tinyexplorer

    Thank you. I think I need to analyse how things impact him at home xx 

  • in reply to NAS39248

    Thank you so much. I try to be mindful that he doesn’t process emotions and the situations like we do. 

    Im worried that I am going to make things worse by not knowing how to deal with things properly xx

  • Think of the idea that in autism challenging behaviour is communication. Think what might be upsetting him that causes the tantrums. My daughter used to have huge meltdowns in shopping places. It took me a while to realise that the echo in the atrium set her off. It was years before I heard of autism, so I as clueless.

    Things like supermarkets, airports, clothes labels, some fabrics, textures, noises, heat, cold, need for movement, interactions...

  • Also you said his language is delayed could his outburst be frustration at not being able to communicate his feelings effectively or explain what he wants

    Have you tried using pecs cards and a visual timetable to structure the day 

  • Think also of the idea that in autism challenging behaviour is communication. Is there anything that is distressing for him that causes the tantrums. My daughter had huge tantrums going to shopping malls. It took me a while to realise that the echo in the atrium set her off. It was years before I first heard of autism, so I was clueless. 

  • My daughter has tantrums like all children do specifically to achieve a certain end ie "I want that" or "I don't want to tidy up" these we deal with by going to a quiet area she is told what is expected or why she can't do what she wants then we try and meet in the middle "you can have what you want when you have done as asked" 

    However she also has meltdowns these are total emotional outbursts with no control and purpose

     They are caused when she gets emotionally overloaded (good or bad) as well as sensory overloads

    These I have to hold her and rock her and she is exhausted after and shuts down these are never punished as it is not something that she chooses to do it is not something she can control. We looked for triggers and where possible removed them or minimised them when she starts getting overloaded I talk calmly explain I know she is upset and we will get somewhere quiet soon, sometimes the reassurance delays meltdown giving us time to get to a more comfortable place for her. Or I encourage her to stim to show the feeling as movement to regulate herself