Concerns

Hello I'm new to this. I am carer to my brother who was originally diagnosed with asperges.  His autism is well maintained and he is what I would call pretty high functioning. Though he does need assistance with things like money and always needs support in employment or voluntary work.  He is currently doing voluntary work which he has been doing a long time. Last year he seemed upset and was quieter than usual. I asked him what was wrong. He told me they had been helping him with showers where he volunteers. Well that was ok I thought until he told me that they had been in the shower with him on at least two occasions and even though he told them he wanted to shower on his own his request was ignored. Now the issue has come up again and they want to come to our house 5 mornings a week to monitor him with showers.  Now I told them he has a shower early in the morning before work. But at this safeguarding meeting it was as if I was being accused of lying and they really pushed this seeming to ignore how distressed my brother was. There's other things but I will talk about them another day. I'm concerned things are happening and I don't know about them. So I get an upset brother who then gets asthma as he's so worked up. Any help would be appreciated 

  • Thank you for this. He's an adult and he can do so much for himself. He does hate getting water on his face and always has. So that's why it's better He does these things for himself. It's about respecting him as a person. I take him to a hairdressers who know him well so there's no issues there. I felt almost bullied. They even  tried to take away my taking him shopping so he can get new shoes etc. He enjoys this and if I take him I know he's choosing what he wants not what everyone else thinks he should have. I will definitely be calling for advice. 

  • Well you are lucky then I struggle brushing my teeth (toothpaste makes me sick and nerve damage in arms) and I lost nearly my entire top rack of teeth. 

    And the areas I struggle to wash the skin gets sore and itchy.

    I stand by my comments on kids needing washing, leaving food to Matt into the hair is not good! 

  • I dont think so - its just trying to make them normal. Washing is part of social convention. 

    I only clean my teeth about once every six months. Guess what - Ive only lost one tooth. Im 46. 

    Its all BS - NT BS.

    "Fit in to OUR NT world or we'll reject you - freak"

  • I have an issue with strong smelling soaps and perfume, but children do need to be cleaned occasionally! They are not known for the ability to remain clean they get covered in everything! 

  • I still don’t understand why we NEED to wash? 

    I find the smell of petrochemical cosmetics way more offensive than natural smell. 

    Thecwirstvthong ever is artificial musk. It’s in sooooooooooooooo many products. It causes cancer. 

    Other chemicals like sodium laureth sulphate is in almost every cleaning product. It stays in the water system for decades - I can smell it when I’m surfing in the sea water and I can see it when I’m riversurfing. It accumulates in eddies and swirly bits of water and forms a lava 

  • I know I still feel so bad for putting her in the bath when she was younger, I didn't know the difference between tantrums and meltdowns or about the sensory differences. 

    Now we do it once a week at her pace and we don't wash her neck or get water near face.

    I was always told when I voiced concerns "she needs washing just ignore the tantrum"  

  • My mum used to wash me as a child of about 8 

    if she knew the pain the soap caused she’d have stopped instantly. 

    Autistics struggle to convey how much pain they’re in. 

  • I personally think they are overstepping alot!! 

    My daughter has sensory problems with washing and drying her hair is a big issue (she is only 8) but I would be very angry if someone tried to help washing her!! 

    Please call the helpline and find out where you stand legally on this issue, especially since you have stated it is upsetting your brother. 

  • Showers?? Disgusting things.. All soap and detergent is pure puterid 

    I never wash - ever... 

    only in the sea or river. I don’t stink and I am clean. It’s people who wash all the time that do not allow thier body’s to work naturally. 

    Guess what - if I’m in the wilderness - I can smell you guys who wash from miles away. 

    Also - I get lots of close up encounters with rare wildlife. All my life. Rare wild animals actually approach me and we spend time together. 

    My experiences are too good to share becasue ‘washers’ just don’t believe me and think I’m lying. It’s becasue I don’t leech and ooze toxic chemicals from my body - the wild life doesn’t get spooked and approaches me out of curiously. 

    Soap etc - huge carbon footprint. All this washing - FFS 

  • Thank you. This is the point I tried to make to them. They have also booked doctors dentist and opticians appointments without my knowledge. The one that annoyed me was the opticians when the social worker just told me how much his glasses would cost. For two pairs. Firstly he only needs one pair as he has a pair which just need new lens secondly he only needs them for reading.  They even  tried to arrange to take him shopping which I'm totally capable of doing myself. Plus I want him to be free to choose what he wants not what they think he wants. As for the showering I think it partly stemmed from him having sore underarms. They think he doesn't dry them properly. I've changed his deodorant and washing liquid and fabric conditioner. I've explained to him to take a little longer to make sure he is dry. They say his hair looks greasy.  But it looks ok in the morning and only looks that way when he comes home - he works in a kitchen environment. He doesn't wear a hat or hair met though I told them Thursday he should have one and they can't have things both ways  

  • Hi 

    I know there is probably a reason for it, but why is your brother being showered at all at a work placement? I would be very concerned especially if people are going into the shower with him!

    I am also unsure why a work placement would have a safeguarding meeting or want to observe him at your home.

    Surely if he is an adult he can shower when he likes? 

    I'm not sure that I am clear on the situation and would recommend that you call the helpline for advice asap 

    www.autism.org.uk/.../contact-us.