How to get autistic brother to accept changes in the house and be okay with my dad talking on the phone

I am new on this site, so hopefully I am posting in a correct location. My brother is 25 years old and has autism. He is not able to live on his own and needs assistance as he is not independent and does not have good communication. He is very echoic. He will not get food by himself if he is hungry, does not groom himself, does not understand the difference between hot and cold water. Very dependent. 

To give some detail into our situation, my mother (who was the stay at home caregiver) passed away around Christmas time last year. This has put a strain on my dad as he is the source of income and now a single parent to an autistic individual. My brother does not do well with change (the house is messy and we might down size and he will get aggressive over it). He does not let my dad or my grandma (who also watches him while my dad works/ I help out as well and will be taking over her hours over the fall) talk on the phone. He will get in my dads ear and scream, repeat words he does not like such as "But" "And" and has even stomped on my grandmas foot and left a bruise on her. He is normally pretty calm, but he gets these moments and just spazzes out. He will not leave the community and won't even step foot outside. He has really regressed. 

I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how we could downsize in the house, get him to not have issue with my dad talking on the phone or just make life easier on him. We don't want to put him in a home as he has it good in our family, but it really impacts my dad and he is still grieving for his wife. 

Parents
  • Hi,

    That is a really difficult situation for you all, and I'm sorry for your loss, 

    Change can be extremely frightening and the thought of being somewhere new on top of a new care routine and the loss of your mother is probably what is causing his meltdowns.

    As for the phone is it possible he is trying to get attention or that the phone itself is upsetting him? My daughter complains about the sound from Electronic devices they make her head fizzy (her words!) is it possible that it could physically be bothering him? 

    I would suggest calling the helpline they can give specialist advice 

    Sorry I can't be more help 

Reply
  • Hi,

    That is a really difficult situation for you all, and I'm sorry for your loss, 

    Change can be extremely frightening and the thought of being somewhere new on top of a new care routine and the loss of your mother is probably what is causing his meltdowns.

    As for the phone is it possible he is trying to get attention or that the phone itself is upsetting him? My daughter complains about the sound from Electronic devices they make her head fizzy (her words!) is it possible that it could physically be bothering him? 

    I would suggest calling the helpline they can give specialist advice 

    Sorry I can't be more help 

Children
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