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Newly diagnosed teen - desperate for advice about managing periods please

Ayshigirl

Our 14 year old daughter has been recently diagnosed with ASD along with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (and ADHD). Meanwhile, her periods started a little while ago,. She is highly sensitive and embarrassed and  in complete denial about it. She refuses to discuss it with me although I had been open with her about periods ever since she was tiny. She cuts me off when I try to speak with her about it. My husband and I have found hidden soiled pants and soiled pads in her bedroom. She refuses to let us into her room though and has frequently been violent towards us (police involved and stays in A and E) so we are understandably confused and nervous about addressing this with her. I have placed a fliptop bin in her room hoping she would put the dirty pads in but she hasnt. I told her what to do with the rubbish. I also left a note in the kitchen about stain removal and had a family discussion about what to do about stained clothes.I have also put pads in the bathroom so she can use them without  anyone else knowing.

Help! What should we do? If I simply take out the dirty pads and clean her underwear she will know I've done it and be furious. This has been going on for some time now and when the weather warms up it will be disgusting.

We'd appreciate your advice please.

Parents

  • Hi.  I see this was two months ago. Hope you have found a solution by now.  I remember hiding my pants a couple of times as a teenager because I was embarassed about staining them.  It was more embarassing when they were found and felt awful about being unhygenic.. even though that wasn't mentioned.  I would have been embarassed to put them in the bin too incase someone saw them. 

    If embarassment is the issue, could finding a way for her to dispose of pads privately. Possibly in the main bin put inside something she is throwing away? Also, couldn't you buy her  pants every month or two so if she makes a mess she can throw those away rather than need to clean them.  It's quite gross for someone not used to her period and the blood does smell of metal when washed.  Quite offensive is her sense of smell is strong. 

    Maybe you could ask her what would make her feel better during her time of the month and arrange to do it, or get it in.  It might make her more open to talking about it?  

    Speaking in notes might be easier and helpful.  However, if she is ashamed it is better to reassure her in person if possible.  I think it would make it feel like it is sonething not to be discussed. 

    I've still got this to come.  My daughter kearned about them at school last year and spent months worrying about it and telling everyone that she is scared about it.  

    I hope things have gotten easier for you all. 

  • in reply to NAS62895

    Thanks and I hope other people going through this will find some useful ideas here. Speaking to my daughter about it isn't an option as she angrily shuts me down. She's prone to violence so we have to be very sensitive. I did throw her dirty pads and pants away. We're still working our  way through this. 

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