Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I don’t know if this is too personal a topic but I just wondered how you felt or decided about having another child with the possibility of having another autistic child?
We love our son dearly and we don’t want him to be the only child but we just don’t know how to decide whether we have another or not as we read all different kinds of resources saying what the % of having another autistic child is but they all seem to vary from 4% right up to 20%. Plus we are both almost 40 years of age and I know that adds to the %.
Just looking to see how other people felt in this position
Julie x
Apologies in advance, but I tend to ask direct and difficult questions.
How well do you perceive autism? How are you finding dealing with your son? Is it burning you out or is it a joy? Is having a 'faulty' child damaging your self image? How accepting are your extended family and friends? How much time and energy can you give to your child?
An only child is hard work because you have to be their playmate, parent, teacher, annoying older brother (to fight with them and knock the edges off) and mentor. A second child can be good for the first child. I've no idea about how much stress having more than one autistic child could be.
My little boy struggles everyday as he is non verbal, I see him struggle daily to get through without a tremendous amount of support from me which is why I stay at home with him. My son at the moment has some challenging behaviours and doesn’t sleep very well either so those long nights yes sometimes it catches up with me and it’s difficult. My partner works away through his job because he has to to provide for all of us to enable me to be the one bringing our son up. I would by no means call my child faulty he’s perfect to me as he is and thinking of it as damaging to my self image I couldn’t care less what people think of my self image. Immediate family are struggling acceptance but they are getting used to it and how my little boy sees the world different. That is what I am most concerned about when my son needs me as he does then how would I find the time for another child or would I just find it without realising.
Paddy McGuiness's children were non-verbal and now two are in mainstream primary school and are verbal - the other is too young, so things can change over time. As Paddy is away a lot due to working in showbusiness it might help to look at how his wife coped. She does a lot of work around autism awareness.
If your worrying about certain things could you create a table and put issues down one side and then document ways to deal with it down another side? Having a few strategies in mind might help you to decide what you want.
I'm currently pregnant and have already had to start working out what are likely to be stressors for me and ways to cope. For example, I need alone time so am currently doing a lot of overtime to be able to afford to put the baby in nursery two mornings a week to prevent my MH from taking a nose dive.