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the other way around - ASD parent with with NT children?

qwerty

Just a random question out of curiosity...

There have been many posts from parents who think their child might be autistic or have children that have been diagnosed as autistic.

I was wondering if anyone would be interested in sharing their experience the other way around.

Are you a parent who has ASD but have neurotypical children? What is that like? For example, do you think you learn a lot of social skills from them? Do you feel proud about their accomplishments? Do you view that the differences between both of you as a positive thing?

  • in reply to Kitsune

    Thanks for sharing your experiences! It sounds really nice that you have a mixed bunch of children and that they are all unique in their own way. I like how oldest uses online tools to help manage her symptoms and I respect her decision of not seeking a diagnosis. I think your middle child sounds like an angel, she definitely seems very socially talent and very cute. I agree time will tell with your youngest, and it does seem sensible to check whether she might have a chromosome disorder. 

    I'm not a parent. I just was curious since it's rarer to see posts about a parent with ASD who has neurotypical children, and wondered what people's experiences were.

  • in reply to Andrew

    I like your response! Yes, I agree that while it is quite exhausting being with children, sometimes communication is easier as their communication is more direct and less complicated than adults. 

  • Hi there, I have Aspergers myself and my 3 daughters are a mixed bunch neurologically. None of them is diagnosed with anything yet but I’d say my eldest (21) has Aspergers, I worked that out shortly after I worked out that I have Aspergers. I think she’s fairly ‘on board’ with my opinion and while she’s not actively seeking diagnosis she will talk to me about symptoms and use stuff she finds online to help manage symptoms, for example after I first pointed it out to her 2-3 years ago she used tools online to do a lot of work on her social skills, to good effect. My middle daughter (4 nearly 5) is without doubt neurotypical, her reciprocal conversation, facial expressions, eye contact, tone of voice variation is already way beyond my own. She’s just such a natural, bless her! I love watching how she interacts socially as it intrigues me, how she just naturally gets it! For example, this is a bit of conversation yesterday between my middle daughter (MD) and my husbands best friend (HBF), the discussion started as it was my youngest daughters birthday a few days ago:

    HBF- when’s your birthday then?

    MD-my Birthday’s in March, when’s your birthday?

    HBF- my birthday’s in November, how old will you be when it’s your birthday?

    MD- I’ll be 5. How old will you be?

    This sounds so simple but to me I’m just amazed that at 4 she already gets the reciprocal nature of conversation flow. It took me reading a book on social skills last year at 37 to realise that if someone asks you a question then you should ask it back. I wouldn’t have been able to have the above conversation until then in as much as I’d have answered the questions being asked of me but I wouldn’t have known to ask a question back. I distinctly remember breaking down in tears in my own ASD assessment saying even my 4 year old daughter has better social skills than I do! And yeah I do learn skills off of her, I very often mirror her tone of voice and facial expressions as I know hers are normal and I don’t want to accidentally untrain her in social skills. 

    My youngest daughter (just 2) has a lot of developmental delays, she’s not walking or talking yet, doesn’t do waving or gestures, doesn’t respond to name, doesn’t do pretend play etc she has her (6 month late!) review with her paediatrician tomorrow actually. I did think she was autistic but if I’m honest I’m now thinking she may have some rare chromosome disorder, I think she also has Aspergers though (Aspergers seems to be quite strong on my mums side of the family, though I’m the only one who’s sort diagnosis I’m sure pretty much all of us have Aspergers) as she displays a lot of the same quirks as I do, such as being tactile defensive (as is my eldest), hair pulling, being in her own little world. Time will tell though.  

    I hope this answers your questions to some extent? Are you a parent with ASD who has neurotypical children?

  • I am not a parent but I have relatives who have children and I love spending time with them. I find it quite fun to be with them although pretty exhausting after a few hours. I find that their honesty and directness is helpful as it can be easier than communicating with adults who can be far more complicated in my view.

    I am really impressed with anyone who has children as I think it must take a huge amount of energy. I think that the differences between parent and child could be fun but I could imagine that it might be challenging sometimes e.g. when it comes to dealing with emotions. It would be really interesting to hear about the experience of parents.