Any coping strategies in secondary school?

I'm just going on what my GP said - he said that, regardless of the fact that the anxiety is probably ASD related, a psychiatrist is the best person to listen and provide coping strategies to help ease the stress of certain situations. However, I do have my doubts and you are probably right - trying to find something a bit more ASD specific sounds sensible. Having had my daughter refuse to go to school Thursday last week just got me clutching at straws to try to prevent a gradual slide into school refusal completely.

Thank you everyone, it's so nice to hear from people who have been through it / are going through it too. I am finally realising that it's no exaggeration that it takes at least 2 years to get from referral to an assessment in our area (Kent) and that there is absolutely no psychiatrist/counselling help on the NHS - my GP is very good and very understanding, and was embarrassed that all he could give us was the number for a private psychiatrist costing about £150 per session, which we can't afford, especially as I don't know if my daughter would even talk in a session or how many sessions she would need to help her feel less anxious. Has anyone else found psychiatrist sessions helpful for extreme anxiety? Also, has anyone else got an EHCP (education health care plan) - i'm not sure whether this is relevant or helpful but the school have suggested it's not relevant in my daughter's case as she doesn't meet the criteria...?

Sorry for my delayed reply but I wanted to think coldly on the things you were saying to help you at the best: it strikes and moves me a lot because it reminded me very closely what my son and we, his family, have suffered about school and adolescence more.

Hi I'm also new as is my 14yr olds diagnosis, since being told, I have felt moments of guilt for all the times I lost my patience or thought she was pulling a fast one, my daughter is also  suffering with depression and anxiety and is struggling to come to terms with the fact she is different, I fact she has only told 1friend of her diagnosis for fear the others will be mean, she is struggling at school and because its a new diagnosis, it appears some teachers are ignoring her needs, on good days she goes to all her lessons, engages and excels, drives me insane with a current obsessionor hysteria, other days I struggle to get her out of bed let alone to the bus stop those days are days she is sent to isolation or put in detention for being disruptive then follows the eruption of anger and sadness and those are the days I struggle with, if I manage to get her to school, I receive constant text begging to come home telling me she can't cope, it triggers a panic attack and before you know it I'm racked with guilt and the school repeatedly call before  they suggest I pick her up then, theres the dark days where I'm afraid to leave her because she wants to die to give up she feels so alone and looks so broken. As I said at first we have only just been diagnosed, so it's all new but with gcse options looming she is becoming prone to emotional outbursts and I fear it's too late to get the help In school she needs. I was contemplating having her timetable reduced but don't want her to fall behind, is it too late for getting a statement?

It feels like I'm failing her as much as the school, we are both a little lost. 

I wasn't diagnosed until after my school years but work as a teacher so still have to cope with the overwhelming sensory overload this environment causes. I've found the use of aromatherapy scents, especially calming and revitalising themed blends, as well as regular massages are a great help.

As I teach on a one-to-one basis, in my office, I have an electronic diffuser with the aromatherapy scents on throughout the day and this has significantly reduced the sick leave I take. If I was a pupil I'd put a few drops of the oil I wanted to use that day on my top instead.

I buy the essentials oils this shop - http://www.idaromatics.co.uk/product2.asp?cat1=6&name=Essential%20%20Oil%20Blends

An electronic diffuser can be purchased cheaply from Amazon if you'd like to use it in the evenings at home.

That is really helpful advice, thank you. That sounds like a really good idea and a great compromise, particularly for someone who wants to try to cope, which my daughter does currently.

I spent 11 years doodling and hiding - it worked out ok. When I left - I started to learn - lol 

I think - I was doodling and wasting time simply because what they were trying to teach was simply too simplistic - children’s stuff. 

I now know that my IQ was higher then, than the teachers trying to teach. It’s the same today! How can a person who doesn’t understand how reality and the universe works, teach it to a child who does?? They can’t....

Its like an Ant trying to teach an Elephant... Otherwise the seriously highly inspired, highly in awe and wonder beautiful mind will end up like a - Person Living In Fear. ‘TheConditioned Fear Response’

So I guess - they could teach them to live in misery as most do - lol 

Like others have said for me having a quiet place to retreat to was a key part of coping with secondary school. In my case this was the art room and occasionally the school library. I liked being able to take packed lunches to school in the summer as that meant I could eat on my own outside rather than in the dining hall. When having school lunches I started skipping them regularly, partly because I disliked the food and smells and partly because of the noise and social pressure.

Thank you everyone, ive already made a new, more ‘visual’ timetable but I’ll talk to school about ‘time out’ areas. Thanks!

I still use visual displays and fun stickers etc to help me manage my days ~ it’s a great habit to get into if it works, so it’s worth a try.

I am new too. I fought hard to make it as comfortable as possible for my son to attend secondary school. Creating a daily timetable illustrated with cartoons of different subjects hour by hour allowed him to more pleasantly foresee what was to happen and when the activity would be completed. I do not know if my advice can help you but for my son it was quite useful to reduce the stress and fatigue of staying in class a little. Naturally in case of sensory overload or stress the solution to go out (in the bathroom!) To decompress was always the most effective solution.

Perhaps I'm not the best person to give advice since I'm one of the repeated school refusers.

I survived secondary school by taking advantage of quiet places such as a library and a dedicated study room.  Where I avoided noise and social interaction.

Greetings. Hopefully others shall respond with more useful answers for you... Please do not vote me down too much, as this struck a sensitive chord with myself...!

Dizzy said:

she doesn’t want people to see her as different.

...This will likely happen anyway, with resultant Bullying, unless one learns to so-called "Mask"... 

To help get through the day in general, a safe place/area needs to be found, a retreat, when T.M.I. occurs. This Saftey can be in or out of school grounds, but I myself would have very much liked to know that I could simply tell a Teacher that I needed protection and/or quiet for a bit, and they would allow it. Sometimes I could say this, and a Teacher would allow Me to be in a 'Teacher-only' area, and this helped Me a great deal... but things would be different for you and everyone, and so just keep mentioning it to the school, and do pay great attention to your child's own pace and requirements. Do not over-emphasize or fuss. Pay attention to your child's moods and notice the unusual (withdrawn, anxious, unusual requests, lost property, or anything like that.).

There should be NAS links for this sort of thing, but I cannot access them while writing this Post or the whole Post will disappear...!

Good Luck Anyway. May your Daughter have a happier (school-)life  than Mine was... *ahem*...!