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Help!

shonaghmg

Hi, my name is Shonagh and i am a newbie on this site.

My 10 yr old son was diagnosed with Autism in 2009, currently we haven't major problems at home but the last 6 months of school have been an utter nightmare for him.

Between too many changes and lack of consistency with how teachers handle situations and lack of experience have resulted in my son being apprehensive of going to school each morning but so far he still goes.  There are odd days when i literaly have to drag him to school which leaves me emotionally drained and usually in tears once i have headed for home. I am finding that it is me that is giving the school ideas on how to deal with the situation when i feel they are the ones that should have the expertise.

I would like to give you an example and any advice would be most grateful.

The other week for some reason my son decided he didn't want to take part in rugby, which was outside.  No amount of persuading made him change his mind so he was kept inside with a support teacher to watch over him.  The options that they have started using weren't offered to him as far as i am aware.  He proceeded to head to the window to watch them which he was then told he wasn't allowed and to sit down and think about the choice he had made.  This resulted in a cushion throwing episode. They then brought in another support teacher to help, one that he currently doesn't like and he then chose to play with some of the stuff in the area as he hadn't been given anything else to do.  These things were taken away from him and she proceeded to speak to him which ended in him throwing more cushions and hiding under tables.  They removed practically everything in the room, tables, chairs, cushions etc and he sat out doing nothing for around 2 hours, being observed.  By the time i came in which was the end of school i could see he was upset.

The problem seems to be now that he is choosing not to engage in any work he finds boring or doesn't like etc I am at a totaly loss of how to deal with this problem at school and because i now am standing up for him and putting in complaints if things aren't followed through they seem to have become offhand with me.

Anyone got any ideas on how to help solve this?

Thanks in advance, Shonagh

  • Thank you Rosie and Lee

    I am starting to realise that I know more than the teachers do and thankfully his class teacher takes on board the things I have been saying and has even been reading a lot into it herself, which I am pleased about.

    Everything you have said rings true, you hut my thoughts exactly "why stop him looking out the window" He was certainly not being naughty in his choice and I am not exactly sure myself what set him off that day, all he said was he didn't want to take part.  The support teacher certainly treated him like a naughty child which just made the situation worse.

    I certainly agree having a small support group of teachers working with him would make things so much better, there has been too many changes.

    I have requested a meeting with all that support him so I can go over everything and make sure they are all handling him in the same way.  Fingers crossed it will go well.

    At the end of last week I had a few discussions with the teachers and he has now a daily visual timetable in place which they go over with him every morning, this seems to be workin and is making him feel more confident in what is going on. They are also in the process of changing his options to incentives to encourage him to do his core work.

    Thank you very much for your advice and support and I will be going to the link to read and also pass this link onto the teachers.

    Much appreciated, Shonagh

     

  •  

    Hi Shonagh

    We really feel for you having been through similar things ourselves.

    Perhaps the first thing to remember is that the teachers aren't really likely to know any more than you about autism - so you are going to have to get used to the idea that you may have to educate them. Doing this in a way that doesn't get their backs up is a real challenge - teachers often like to think that they know best - even when they don't - and understanding the behavioural aspects of autism is both difficult and crucial.

    We are in Scotland and found the following very helpful:

    http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Publications/2009/07/06111319/0

    Its the Autism Toolbox and every school in scotland has a copy but most probably don't know it!

    Both you and the teachers should find it helpful - particularly the section on working with parents.

    Something else to think about is whether pushing him into school every day is the best option. We did the same and with hindsight we wish that we had been more insistent about the care being right and listened to what our son was saying rather than feeling guilty and trying to fit in with what the school thought was right. This year with a different teacher things are very very different, but last year was damaging for him.

    On the particular example you gave the school seem to have got it very wrong. First they need to understand the reason that your son didnt want to take part in rugby. It could be so many different reasons:

    Sensory problems (weather, mud, touching people etc)

    Not understanding the rules

    Others not keeping to the rules

    A friendship problem

    A change to the timetable

    An unresolved problem with the teacher etc etc etc

    Most likely the school won't be able to find out the reason - so you may have to help.

    Next they have to think about how they are dealing with the situation - the first question to ask them is "Why wasn't he allowed to look out of the window?". It sounds as though the teachers were treating this as if your son was being naughty - rather than having a disabiity - something that is very common and quite difficult to educate people about. We even had a specialist teacher who became convinced that our son was just being naughty.

    Something that is probably worth fighting for is to have only a very small team of staff that actually deals with your son - that way he will have fewer people to cope with, they will have more chance to get to know him and his disability, and you will have fewer people to train.

    Most likely some of the teachers will have been on courses - and some will feel themsleves to be experts - but no-one knows your son - and what works for him -better than you do - don't let them convince you otherwise.

     

    The other thing we found really helpful is read read read. You need to become an expert in your son's condition so that you can help him and help the teachers to help him. Knowing the subject well will also give you the confidence to explain calmly and clearly to the techers when they have got something wrong.

    Hope you find what we have learned from our exerience helpful. If there are other specific questions - please do ask

    Rosie and Lee

     

  • Thank you

    I will go and look into this

    Shonagh

  • Hi Shonagh,

    Sorry that I don't have any specific ideas to help you, I'm sure some other people may be able to pass on their advice and what's clearly a difficult time for you and your son.

    One service that may be able to help is the NAS Education Rights Service. You can see information about how to get in touch on the following page -

    http://www.autism.org.uk/educationrights

    Hopefully they'll be able to talk through your options and suggest some ways to improve things for you son.