My 9year old Son doesn’t want to go to school.

Hi there, I too am in the middle of this situation and you literally typed word for word how it is for us. We have really had to unpick everything to work out what is going on (very difficult as he is not able to tell us when he has his meltdowns other than he is not going into school very loudly!) however sometimes little things come out days or weeks later about what is different in his world and how he cannot control it.

It could be the fire bell, the lights on the school computer, the way the rain makes a noise on the roof... all sorts of things but what has struck us is that we have really had to listen to him and be guided from there on in. He likes being home as he can control his environment and broadly speaking what happens in it, what noises are made etc..... school is very difficult yet he may not show it there as he feels he must conform; he may show it in tiny ways like foot tapping or twitching, stimming etc but that can often only be spotted by the very vigilant of teachers or an Occupational Therapist who can do a school visit. The OT referral can be made through your GP/Paediatrician or SENco at the school. 

What has worked for us is to sit down with the school (teacher, head & SENco) to look at planning together a way forwards, the last thing they want is for him not to attend or keep being late. My son was gradually getting crosser and crosser about going into school, he was refusing to dress, come down stairs etc etc. We have by no means solved this as I am sure we will get good days and bad but what was agreed at school was for him to have more sensory breaks, more quiet time to regulate himself and for him to have a 'safe' person to find if things are overwhelming. 

My son sometimes comes home wired as he has been conforming and coping all day, so obviously he has to blow sometimes (in the morning or after school for us). It is very very difficult to imagine how difficult it must be for my darling boy but I once watched a very powerful video clip of what its like for an Autistic child to go into a supermarket which was a showstopper for me, all the noises, voices etc so I imagined what it must be like for him at school without me to support him.

Yes he has to go to school (as it is the law) but the school must work with us to support and aid his needs; as it would seem yours need to. There must be something that triggers his anxiety which needs to be unpicked as we had to. 

Very best wishes x

Hi there, I too am in the middle of this situation and you literally typed word for word how it is for us. We have really had to unpick everything to work out what is going on (very difficult as he is not able to tell us when he has his meltdowns other than he is not going into school very loudly!) however sometimes little things come out days or weeks later about what is different in his world and how he cannot control it.

It could be the fire bell, the lights on the school computer, the way the rain makes a noise on the roof... all sorts of things but what has struck us is that we have really had to listen to him and be guided from there on in. He likes being home as he can control his environment and broadly speaking what happens in it, what noises are made etc..... school is very difficult yet he may not show it there as he feels he must conform; he may show it in tiny ways like foot tapping or twitching, stimming etc but that can often only be spotted by the very vigilant of teachers or an Occupational Therapist who can do a school visit. The OT referral can be made through your GP/Paediatrician or SENco at the school. 

What has worked for us is to sit down with the school (teacher, head & SENco) to look at planning together a way forwards, the last thing they want is for him not to attend or keep being late. My son was gradually getting crosser and crosser about going into school, he was refusing to dress, come down stairs etc etc. We have by no means solved this as I am sure we will get good days and bad but what was agreed at school was for him to have more sensory breaks, more quiet time to regulate himself and for him to have a 'safe' person to find if things are overwhelming. 

My son sometimes comes home wired as he has been conforming and coping all day, so obviously he has to blow sometimes (in the morning or after school for us). It is very very difficult to imagine how difficult it must be for my darling boy but I once watched a very powerful video clip of what its like for an Autistic child to go into a supermarket which was a showstopper for me, all the noises, voices etc so I imagined what it must be like for him at school without me to support him.

Yes he has to go to school (as it is the law) but the school must work with us to support and aid his needs; as it would seem yours need to. There must be something that triggers his anxiety which needs to be unpicked as we had to. 

Very best wishes x