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15 year old daughter refused school for 5 weeks now

Pazzy

Hi I’ve come here just get my thoughts off my chest. My 15 old has ASD diagnoses 2 years ago. She has managed ok in school due to the fact she has a twin sister. A few weeks before Xmas she shut down completely and refused school. I’ve been at my wits end. Meeting after meeting with the school.

I found a card that was given to her in school before Xmas it was allowing meg to have extra time for exams if needed and mentioned her diagnosis on the bottom. My meg was not aware of her diagnosis the card was given in error by a teaching assistant which is the reason why she is refusing school.

i feel so bad as a parent feel guilty for not being able to get her to school. Feel like I’ve failed.

Had meeting yesterday school now asking me to get a sick note for her. I worry for her future and don’t know how to help her. I’ve involved the Sen and Ossme. Just feel helpless. 

Parents

  • Hi Pazzy

    I have experienced school refusal with two of my children, often out of the blue and the feelings you describe are so relateable.

    Firstly you have not failed. Do not be made to feel like you have by the school (I have too, they have a huge pressure re attendance figures etc). You are not failing your daughter and that is the most important thing. You are doing everything you can to help her, which is obvious.

    It might be worth talking with your daughter and explaining to her what ASD is and give her some understanding of why she feels how she does etc.  There is a really useful book called 'Can I Tell you about Autism' that may help with this.  I bought a copy of this book after it being recommended to me, and I lent it to my parents who were very much of the "Oh they're naughty you need to be more strict" way of thinking, but now they seem to understand my children a lot more.

    The really important thing to get across to her is that she will find some things difficult because she has autism but that does not make her any less important than anyone else. Also that there will be other children at school who get extra time or other provisions in exams and she will certainly not be alone.

    I have 2 of my 3 at home today one with extreme anxiety and the other refused school today. He has a total meltdown, curls up and goes non verbal, probably the most stressful thing I tend to see some mornings. I know how it can make you feel physically ill with stress when it happens so a side note to you, make sure you look after yourself too, even if it is just a 10 minute walk or a long bath, be nice to yourself every day.  Tell that niggling voice that is saying you're a failure that you're actually being a total star at looking after your girls. It's not you not getting your daughter to school, it's circumstances.

    Beckster

    x

  • in reply to Beckster

    Hi there

    thanks for your reply and comments. I’m glad to know that there are other people going through the same thing as me. I just feel so alone and worry about the future for everyone. 

    School have now suggested we focus on the diagnosis and give education a back seat for a while. Feels like I’m in limbo at the moment. 

    I’m taking your good advice I’m off to the gym shortly relieve a bit of stress.

    thanks for listening

    pazzy

Reply
  • in reply to Beckster

    Hi there

    thanks for your reply and comments. I’m glad to know that there are other people going through the same thing as me. I just feel so alone and worry about the future for everyone. 

    School have now suggested we focus on the diagnosis and give education a back seat for a while. Feels like I’m in limbo at the moment. 

    I’m taking your good advice I’m off to the gym shortly relieve a bit of stress.

    thanks for listening

    pazzy

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