Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I need some guidance please I have 13 year oldTwin boys and one of them recently diagnosed on the autistic spectrum and the main problem is the OCD part of the condition. It's got so bad now that he has stopped going to school. Everything we do is effected, walking up the stairs, opening a door, watching tv and adjusting the volume, going out in the car if after several hours he can get dressed. He will scream and swear for you to use your right hand and get very aggressive. His temper is getting worse and he is obviously frustrated. He has to cut every label off everything or try rip it out and his brother is constantly fighting with him because he hides his stuff or tries to break it. There is holes in the walls from him throwing things with temper. His brother winds him up as any twins would fight even though we have sat him down several times to explain how we appreciate it is difficult for him but his brother needs his help and understanding and patience. The autism / ocd is robbing him of his childhood and it is so upsetting to see. He only wears one t shirt so it is constantly getting washed. He has had his first appointment at camhs but he would not talk and tried constantly to leave the room and the next appointment in 3 weeks is just for my wife to help her deal with the day to day. He has lots of love, understanding and help from us his parents but i have no idea now how to help him fight back against this. I have tried talking to him several times but he won't discuss it. We even tried a private therapist but he refused to talk or stay and have tried self help books and talking but he just won't discuss and gets really angry.
Today he had his worst meltdown as we have a really old car that was constantly getting repaired because he could not bare to part with it. Unfortunately today after it failed it's mot because of several dangerous faults we decided to scrap it. When we told him he was lashing out at myself and my wife and he smashed the tv and was in the worst meltdown i have seen, we was all in tears and he now wants the scrapped car back even if it has been squashed to a cube and has convinced himself we are going to get it back.
The car was always going to be a big change but i never thought he would react as bad as he has and is now refusing to accept.
I really do not know what to do and worry about him so much. I work but my wife gave up work to look after him and he is not going to enjoy Christmas and wants to know every present and nothing can be wrapped.
I apologise for going on but we are so lost and have little support.
Thank you for reading
Thank you @Binary
I definitely intend to pursue the psychiatrist appointment and hopefully can persuade my son to at least attend .
It is a challenge every day doing the simplest things and now we need a new car but it was always a massive thing for my son and i feel so bad for having to finally let it go but it was dangerous. He is in denial at the moment and not able to consider it's gone.
I think the biggest thing i feel is helplessness and surprised how little support is available for children other than Camhs and we had to wait 7 months for that after numerous letters to them from school, Senco and the doctors.
Many thanks for listening to my outpouring.
I hope i can be of help sometime
Thank you
That's a very difficult situation. I completely understand what you say about the conflict with autism. I have seen the impact having both OCD and autism can have in school and I know it can be so much worse at home.
I think you should just try to keep talking to him about how he is feeling. Maybe keep talking about the idea of medication so he gets used to it but without pushing it so he doesn't fight against the idea.
Can you still pursue the CAMHS psychiatrist without him wanting medication? It might be worthwhile to see if they can get through to him at all/have any strategies.
Really hope the situation improves for you.
Thank you @Binary for your reply, support and advice.
I think for Ocd what you suggest is definitely the recommended treatment but the more i start to understand autism it gets conflicting as my son does not seem to think anything bad is going to happen, ust a need to do it that is really really strong and Ocd in Autism might require a different approach but i need help for us to understand this and how to tackle.
We asked the doctor about medication after things got so bad after being against the idea . The reason we wanted to now consider medication is because my son is constantly in crises mode and if he could come out of crisis mode he might be able to accept treatment and start to let people help. The doctor said she could not offer medication without my son being under a specialist such as Camhs.
Camhs said they could offer an appointment to see a psychiatrist but it was up to my son if he wanted to accept medication and currently he won't even think about it at all.
I feel so helpless and i am a long term sufferer of ocd but even after alk i have read it makes it no easier.
Thank you very much for your suggestions.
Some training I did on OCD said that sometimes the person needs to be discouraged from carrying out all of their rituals so that they see that nothing bad happens if they don't do it (especially if those rituals are impacting on other people). If all the rituals are always carried out the anxiety increases and more rituals are developed. This isn't to say all rituals should be prevented as that would also massively increase anxiety. Obviously this would not be easy as he obviously extremely anxious.
I don't know what your thoughts on medication are and I'm not saying it is the answer to everything. But I have worked with a few children with both ASC and OCD and anxiety medication made a massive difference to them. Once the anxiety reduced so did the OCD behaviour.
The other thing to think about is what his anxiety triggers are. If there are ways to reduce his anxiety then it may also reduce his OCD behaviours.
It must be so hard for him and you. I hope you get the help that you need.