Hi, My daughter is 9 year old and is currently going through full school refusal, she is extremely anxious and has many OCD and Autistic traits. I have tried all that I can to seek help for her but all professions are making the situation 100x worse. My parenting skills have been questioned and my daughters behaviour has also been questioned - I am an extremely patient and caring person who is a good parent with my daughters health as a main priority, my daughter is having nightmares, nosebleeds, headaches, sore stomachs, feeling sick, can’t get too sleep with worry, gets exceptionally tired both mornings and during the day, doesn’t want to leave the house, would quite happily stay in bed all day if she could and it’s all down to her anxieties about school - I don’t see where anybody can think that this is her misbehaving!
Since trying to seek help for her, the schools tactics have included being stern with her, ignoring her when she is upset and crying, wanting to take her out of class to do one on one sessions with her and talking to her differently - these strategies may help with some kids but Skye is now feeling singled out, like everyone is treating her differently, she has grown a disliking of her teachers due to them being stern with her and fears that she is going to cry again in class. She struggles with maths so I have asked if she can be put on an easier level until she finds her feet, nothing happened. I asked if we can have a copy of the class weekly Rota to which her teacher agreed, still nothing. I asked if the school could provide me with school work so that when she doesn’t attend school, she is still learning and keeping up with her class, nothing. I also asked for homework on the subjects in which her class have been studying, or even the class schedule again, to prepare her for going back to school Monday - again, nothing! Yet the headteacher keeps on telling me that she will help with anything she can! There is much more that I can vent about here.
As for the doctors, Skye was referred to the paediatrician and to CAHMS, the GP advised me that there was nothing that he could do, it would have to be the paediatrician and they would more than likely prescribe her with some medication. On going to the paediatrician, it turned out that this was a hormonal clinic and that she wouldn’t be covering anything else - this would be CAHMS place (not yet had an app through due to massive waiting list), unfortunately Skye then had to be examined which caused her a lot of upset. So I went back to doctor to seek help as situations were getting a lot worse, I was told I had to bring Skye along - on entering the gps office, he didn’t even look at me and told me in a not so pleasant manner ‘I have told you several times now, there is nothing I can do!’ . I explained that although I appreciated what he was saying, my daughter was in a bad way and needed help yet there is none available and no direction for a parent as to where to turn - school is telling me the doctors and doctors are telling me the school and bad mouthing the system yet nobody is taking notice of my 9 year old daughter who is too anxious to go to school, showing signs of depression and telling me she wishes she was dead! The doctor then started being stern with Skye, asking why she wasn’t at school today and demanding that she went back Monday, he also kept on repeating himself ( I had previously to the doctors, had a successful conversation with Skye and we had school in the bag on Monday, however, due to everyone thinking that being stern with a child is the way to go, it just brought the fear right back to her and we had a terrible night with her, now she is scared for Monday again!! The doctor also thought it be a good idea to forcefully ask her about her suicidal thoughts, in detail!! The poor soul, was disturbed enough by her examination at the paediatrician and now felt pressured and uncomfortable at the gps (the one that I had told her that she could trust as he was my doctor and was lovely) now she is petrified of the doctors! Doesn’t help that the last time she was at gps she needed to get a blood test and she almost passed out. Not what she needed, as I have no idea now how I am going to get her to her CAHMS appointment when it comes through!
Everybody’s input seems to be making everything a million times worse for Skye and I feel that it is my fault for trying to seek help, even Skye herself Blaims me for making the appointments and making her go and wants me to promise I won’t make any more! Same with the school! I don’t understand why I seem to have more understanding of treating a child and how to be mindful of her emotions than what the professionals do. I don’t know where to turn next!
